#again idk. probably just spitting nonsense

[ohwell-itsme]

#what if we got bored and dissected human sexuality together

what frustrated me for a good long while before I just... shelved it I guess, because it's not going to get me anywhere is that

once you get past the point of like, trans people are normal and it's transphobia when you exclude them from your attraction on that basis alone, and it's normal and doesn't change your sexuality to love them with whatever genitalia they have the cliff of what you can define as gender based attraction soon ends when you reach "non-binary people exist"

there is nothing, NOTHING, in my appearance that indicates my gender identity, it's simply not one of those that look like anything, but we form our first impressions of people before they speak (supposedly most people just need a one good look, idk to me people are shifty strangers until I can have somewhat of a grasp on their personality and worldview, but turns out that's abnormal and highly paranoid, and like, I'm aroace), somehow the ever popular smash or pass quizzes are easy enough to vote on with just one picture of the person, the eyes just don't careeeee about the nuance of gender,

and preferences for either the feminine or masculine aesthetic no matter how pronounced mean jackshit too, because those are super fluid and constantly reshaped by culture and there's probably more people with gender non-conforming presentations than there is with green eyes, it's literally nonsense, it's case by case in reality and labels sometimes just get in the way, because again it's distressing for non-binary people to parse through who might even be attracted to me? Am I going to be alright getting with a person of that orientation, or would it feel dysphoric, bringing awareness to this side of me, feeling perceived as leaning more to this side? Are my options only mspecs, only other enbies who'll understand? Like the profiling, narrowing the scope of who you might have chances with, based on labels becomes USELESS once you're non-binary, they're not telling you shit!

All of it is stupid, like, fuck your binary, it doesn't even exist, no such a thing in biology. Fuck all the who can say what discourse and the biggest victim contests and the community tearing fucks who don't want to see how similar all of our experiences with misogyny are and conflate our labels with the experiences they think we do have, fuck all the erasure and just all of this bullshit

I'm going to make a huge beam and turn everyone consciously non-binary [the binary is already fake] and then I'll die and when I see god I'm gonna spit in his face, fuck off with all that.

so strange to me that some people aren't bisexual

[funkylilomen]

He was mad.

"Mad." Such a flat word to describe how he felt.

Sure. On a surface level, yes. He was mad. They had an argument. He blew up. He was definitely "mad."

But that word is so limiting. So devoid of depth. It's what Mind used to justify his cruelty. It's what Soul refused to see past. Just Heart and his little tantrums again. As if he weren't to be much more than just a nuisance to them. Something to be dismissed, swept under the rug when he got to be too undesirable for them—too far past the wanted or expected complexity they sought from him. Forced into this box, this simplified version of himself for the others' appeasement, just so he could be a catalyst for their suffering. A point to prove them to be in the right. A scapegoat.

He was mad.

It's insulting, really. He was so much more than that. His feelings were always so much deeper than that, because he is feeling. He was a cascading cacophony of pent up emotions. Not emotion. Emotions. Plural. Not singular, never singular. He could never be reduced to something as simple as one word. And yet, they had the gall to go further than that, to reduce him to nothing more than three small letters.

He was mad.

Not Mind, though. He never gets mad, does he? He only smiles and laughs. He mocks everything that Heart is, because he is the one thing that he "can't" understand. That he refuses to understand.

Oh, poor Mind. The culprit now framed the victim because he held the proof of the blue tinted stains on the carpet. Because he has the physical evidence of the scars across his body and the lead lodged in his chest to claim abuse.

Heart never got that mercy. There weren't many scars on his body—just don't mind the self-inflicted ones. None of those really "count" in their eyes. They're just a product of Heart behaving as he usually does. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing to spark concern.

He was mad.

Furious. Frustrated. Devastated. Simultaneously near tears and completely beyond them. Exhausted. So, so fucking exhausted.

How many words were cut off, cries dismissed, blood and scars ignored and brushed past, acts of self-defense twisted into unprompted hostility, all because no one else would dare to understand him past this stupid little word? He knew, even then, as he took his aim, that this would be no more than another senseless act of violence from him. Another outburst. Another argument blown out of proportion. It was to be expected from him. Because that's all he is, isn't it? Just the violent one. Just the mad one.

He was mad.

No one would question why it had gotten so bad this time, why he had been pushed to this point, why it was now, of all times, that he crossed the line. Out of every argument that they've ever had, out of every fight, why had this one—another fight just as pointless and miniscule as the rest of them—been the one to do him in?

Of course, no one would think about that. No one cared. They already had it in their heads that this is just how Heart acts, no rhyme or reason to his actions. Just pure violence for the sake of violence. Nothing would come of this. Nothing would change.

He was mad.

He knew he'd been had.

So he shot at the Sun with a gun.

[pwnyta]

HUH

So no one was gonna tell me about The Old Guard?

I was supposed to just find it on a random ass Halloween 4 years after it aired... aight.

I mean I thought we were cool but I see how it is.

Anyways I watched it and I loved it IF YOU EVEN CARE.

Opinions-

Andy- Phenomenal. Never seen Charlize Theron look so damn hot. Even with her spooky eyes. Crazy butch bisexual(?) wielding a labrys sometimes. Love. Her church fight was sick as hell... im in denial about the stab tho... you can pry her from my cold dead fingies Netflix.

Booker-Like... OK. Like I get he was sad but its so hard to feel bad for him sometimes and like.. I dont hate him at all but just... I do wanna strangle him a little. JUST A LITTLE. I dont want him to be gone and never see Andy again... I hate that. I hate this movie.

Nicky- Great side profile, terrific nose... what in the Ben Linus is going on with the eyes tho? Those pale buggy eyes... This is your man, Joe? This Italian priest Templar knight with ghost eyes? Aight. Ribbing aside... I love him. Even if hes got spooky eyes.

Joe- Mortal enemies to immortal lovers is diabolical work. If you give me friends to lovers... it better be Crusade era enemies to begrudging companions to understanding friends to soul mates or fucking dont talk to me about it. NGL Joes kinda my favorite. Hes a silly little guy. Maybe my love for Sayid has made me soft for hyper-competent, deadly, romantic, shiny eyed Muslim men IDK.

Nile- LOVE. ..Ya know when Andy was like 'shes just a baby' I was like I sure hope this movie dont make me ship them cuz the fandom is probably gonna be annoying about that line but their plane fight was so hot... SUE ME. ANYWAYS... I love her. Apparently theres a second movie coming out & I cant wait to see her get to be a silly lil guy with the fam cuz she is silly lil guy. I love her relationship with Andy & I hope Andy gets better so they can be together forever & there can be some messy lesbian love triangle nonsense when Quynh.

Quynh- Dont got like... the deepest opinion of her just yet but her and Andy were like the Sapphic Nicky & Joe but in reverse.. like Nicky & Joe killed attacked each other then became lovers and it seems like Andy & Quynh were close and might become enemies? Of course IM GONNA IGNORE THE BAD STUFF AND PRETEND THEY JUST FIND EACH OTHER & ARE IN LOVE FOREVER. So...

Copley- Similar to Book I get his mindset but also I wanna strangle him a little. He is beautiful tho... so... Im interested in how hes gonna fit in with the gang... Im hoping for some drama at the start maybe them being like '...ya but hes not Booker...' and then Copley like... having some big hero moment saving the team or at least one of them and they get real close and then more drama because their new family is also just a normal guy & theyre gonna hurt to lose him some day. ANYWAYS.

MISC stuff I like-

The difference in how Nicky and Joe hug Andy.

Everything about this scene tbh. I just wanna see these types of scenes from now on. Silly lil guy moments.

Also Andys baklava addiction. Baklava is one of those things Ive always wanted to try... like boba and churros... ONE OF THESE DAYS.

This sick ass take down. Actually all the fight scenes were pretty sick. I like seeing them fight baddies all together... ODA TAKES NOTES. Also... full offense to guns but seeing Andy Nicky and Joe wield their old-school weapons is so much cooler... who brings a knife (labrys, long sword, scimitar) to a gun fight? THE COOLEST PEOPLE. THATS WHO.

Joe spitting out a bullet that he got shot in the face with.

'Shes just a baby!' (me with the whole team) Also TBF to Andy... Nile has such a cute baby face.

The development of Andy and Niles relationship. THO TBH I was bothered about Nile getting shot in the head because the exit wound woulda fucked her braids up.... I had a hard time focusing cuz I couldnt let that fact go lmao... It was driving me nuts...

The girls are fighting! (gone sexy)

Eepy not-boyfriends

Ancient head bonks of desperate affection. I hope all three of them head bonk Nile in the next movie. If this doesnt happen... im killing everyone in this room (its just me) and them myself.

This silly bitch in this moment.

Joes 'Hes not my boyfriend' speech. Incurable romantic indeed.

Honestly the soldiers tryin to insult Joe by mockingly asking if Nicky was his boyfriend and getting way more than they bargained for was fucking funny.

I just wish we coulda seen the faces of the guy driving the van as he heard the massacre in the back LMAO. Just keep drivin bud... aint nothin you can do about your boys in the back.

Immortal not-boyfriends gettin silly!

This is a nice plane! Theres a TV Joe!

lmao. The sillies.

Andy and Nile continuing to make me ship them.

Reunited and it feels so.... something but they were fighting together and it was real cool.

THEMB.

'You shot Nicky... you shouldnt have done that....'

Joe- Im a silly lil guy but (suplexes a man and breaks his neck)

Whyd he look so devastated after?

She wont jump out of a plane... but....

You betray Miette? You betray her like the bastard? Oh! OH! BANISHMENT FOR 100 YEARS!

Joe lookin at Booker the whole time... :c

[chromotps]

*immediately pounces on you to talk about CoraLaw bc no one else does anymore (at least, not on Tumblr and not English speakers)* I wanna know so bad how adult Law and Cora would interact bc that'd seem so interesting. Especially on a Cora Lives AU. Imagine coming back to life to find out the boy you saved turned out to be a pirate and a(n) (ex)warlord but also a doctor slash (advanced, bc of his devil-fruit lmao) surgeon. It was probably what most would expect what Law would occupy when he was given the devil-fruit (minus the whole pirate and warlord thing I guess) but at that time all Cora expected and hoped what law would be was free. And thinking of that, Cora would realise just how much Law had grown and how he's far from the kid he was then and how little he knows about the man (not that he knew much about Law even when he was a kid anyway, both their pasts were a touchy subject for them but they did get to know each other a little bit and got close, and at that time that was enough for both of them. They didn't need to know about each other's past or something to love and care for each other. I'm not saying your past defines you but sometimes it kinda does. Not fully, no, but it does help shape you into what you are now). And Cora realises that he missed out on so many things. They both wanted to live together, fully and freely. But Law spent 13(?? Or so) years without him but also, Law hadn't been exactly free, not when Doflamingo was alive and Cora-san's death was a wound that will never be healed. Yk what I'm spitting nonsense at this point and I'm probably projecting but yuh... I just badly wanna know how adult Law and Cora would interact when Cora steps into the light again (AKA brought back to life lmao).

Argh I wanna talk about them but I don't know what to say!!!! These idiots make me cry and sob and scream and smile and laugh and I cannot get them out of my head.

But oh! Regarding of their relationship dynamics, I do love the idea of Law being so openly devoted to Cora (and also possessive and obsessed but the latter is almost a fact that he doesn't even need to so anything or say anything for anybody to notice. I mean, look at this guy. He has tattoos dedicated to his lover. The Jolly Roger on his ship is dedicated to his lover. One of his techniques is dedicated to his lover. He steals hearts because his lover's name is Corazon which means heart in Spanish. Yes the last is a HC of mine but idc he'll still be obsessed even when my HC is removed lol). Idk if Cora would leave a kiss mark on anywhere on his skin he'd leave it there until it gets accidentally (and only accidentally, if anybody tries to wipe it off he'd replace their heads with a mop) wiped off. Cora would also be open about their relationship and would proudly gush about his lover who grins when he's kissed on the nose and could cuddle whenever Cora wants to (then he'd introduce said lover to the people and they're a bit shocked to see a 6 foot tall emo looking mf—). They'd fr be the Mom and Dad of the Heart Pirates. But that doesn't make them any less troublesome lmao.

...I had another thought pop up in my head and I— sigh... thinking about Strawhats meeting Cora and him and Sanji bonding over make-up (implied Zosan. Yes I did just imply Zosan without saying anything that could imply Zosan. I'm brilliant. Also implied Genderfluid Sanji. I love my HCs). And also— what. What does that have to do with– sorry, I was talking to my brain bc it suddenly brought Cross Guild Polycule (+ Shanks) in too. I remembered a fanart where Crocodile, Buggy and Cora were talking about jewellery and make-up while their significant others (Mihawk, Shanks and Law) are staring intensely at them xD not sure if that was a ship fanart tho! Also, I made it into Cross Guild (+ Shanks) polycule bc I can *blinks cutely*. So yeah. Just Bottoms bonding over treasure, jewellery, cosmetics and maybe their lovers (Pls we don't get enough Bottom Cora fics I am begging on my knees for them—).

I am making zero sense and I'm yapping at this point but *breathes heavily* I love talking about CoraLaw. I need more fanart. I need more fics. I need more content, posts about them. I– *dissolves into thin air*

hello!! wowza that's a lot of headcanons ahaha. I need to organize my answer lmaoooo

My brain caught on one of the points you made about adult Law and Cora—like, how surprised Cora would be at Law being a pirate. Maybe, after only really having Doflamingo as an idea of what pirates are like, Cora is a little... not disappointed, but like, worried when he finds out. Part of that worry goes away when he sees that Law isn't cruel. But he does slowly understand that, like you said, Law wasn't totally free after living with all that anger and guilt. I think I saw a post a while ago that talked about how Law never claims that he wants to be the King of the Pirates or anything—his "dream" was really just to avenge Cora, and might not have expected he'd survive after that. SOOOOOOO. I think once Cora totally catches up on who Law is as an adult (and realizes he still loves him :3c), he forces Law to sit down and have a conversation about what his new dream should be—it isn't about what he'd die for anymore, but what does he want to live for? Then, I guess the headcanons could be anything... maybe they decide they want to focus on bringing medical help to people who need it, and Law becomes some kind of renegade pirate doctor who goes into places the world government has quarantined... i don't know!! the world is their oyster!!

Ah... the two of them being lovey-dovey around the Heart Pirates........;w; I do also like the idea of them being a little secretive about it, at least maybe at first—like, Law is such a private person, and he doesn't want to "share" Cora after just getting him back... even if it's his own crew just seeing Cora blush or something, haha. And I love cute, open-with-his-feelings Cora, but also liked that rough side of him that would curse out useless doctors and stand up to Doflamingo—I could see him actually being more flustered than Law telling others about their relationship... Like, Cora is talking to Sengoku over transponder snail, and saying stuff like "yeah... I'm... kind of getting dinner with Law tonight. Yes, that Law—don't laugh, damn it, Dad!" and struggling to get his words out. Then Law comes up and takes the receiver from Cora to say, "Then we're gonna make out afterward. Have a nice evening," and hangs up.

my brain is unfortunately too obsessed full with ace/lu and lawcora to come up with anything fun for those other characters, but I'm sure someone out in the world could add on! I'd also love more fics for themmm. I know sometimes you have to "make your own food", but I'm still too deep in my Ace Era to do anything about it yet haha

[zmediaoutlet]

abandoned(?) wip: the cult fic

Here's one that I really really really want to write because it was for a charity run and it is NOT the fault of the fic or the donator that I got hit with a depression meteor, nor indeed that somehow it was 'easier' to write a bunch of other fics instead of the charity fics that I still owe!! Ugh. The self is a real garbage pit sometimes. So hopefully let's call this one dormant and not abandoned, and so --

Big Idea: which isn't mine, bc charity fic as aforementioned, but -- Jared runs a cult and Jensen joins and there's lots of sexy sex. Pretty much. :) But because it's a cult fic, I really wanted to dive into that, which required plot [spits on floor], and it's really more now about like... lost youth getting wrapped up into a personality & lifestyle just for somewhere to belong. Like cult stories always go. It's an unusual fic for me in that I'd normally never do ageswap (even with J2 -- I prefer to keep them as is) and I don't actually have much interest in irl cults, but it's interesting as a stretch in that sense.

Why it was abandoned: because plot!!! Ugh. Plot is the worst, idk how people are like 'ooh I wanna get all involved in this murder mystery'. Yack. But if it's gonna have a plot it's got to work, and it also has to have a bunch of legible and interesting and not-quirky-stand-in characters -- like I want it to read like actual humans, not goofy nonsense a la the cult in Bad Times at the El Royale. So that requires some genuine thought and time put in and probably even a chart, and... #lazy writer noises. But I have some random scenes I think might be good already planned. Trouble would be if I could make Jared-the-cult-leader seem believable and not just like a doofy romance novel figure. My personal trouble with cults is that whenever someone's holding themselves up as a leader because of whatever mystical whatever I'm like, this motherfucker? Are y'all kidding? So I'll have to get over that instinct, lol.

Snippet:

"He renamed it when we came," Allie says, easy. She taps her thumb on the steering wheel, smiling. "He said Wildheart was more right, for what we were going to be." Jensen nods but he has no idea what that means. Whatever the name was before, the wild part at least is right. His grandpa had a farm, outside Dallas, and that was all neat rows, trimmed up hedges, smoothed-out roads with everything exactly in place. Jensen didn't mind it—driving it was easier, he thinks, as they're jolted by the Volkswagen rocking over yet another huge tree root—but it was… Well, it doesn't matter. He'll never see that farm again. He's about to ask another question when Allie turns, again, and the screen of oaks gives sudden way to—open air, a field. The sky opens up above them and Jensen leans forward, trying to see everything. They're on a dirt drive and there are—people, young, maybe his age or maybe Allie's, on the grounds on either side of the drive, working squared-off garden plots—tomatoes, in chickenwire cages. More that Jensen doesn't recognize as they roll past. A boy with red hair waves at the car and Allie waves back, grinning. "Good to be home," she says, to Jensen. Home, Jensen thinks, and chews his thumbnail, scanning the grounds. A medium-sized house, at the end of the lane, painted a faded yellow that needs redoing. On the west side of the house Allie pulls the Volkswagen up next to a purple Gremlin with messy handpainted yellow flowers on the rear hatch, a Cadillac with a rusted-out door and some kind of viney plant spilling out of the broken back window. "C'mon," Allie says, turning off the engine, so Jensen takes a deep breath and gets out of the car into the sunshine, holding his duffle up against his chest, looking around. No one's running up to bug them—the dozen people gardening are still gardening, down by the lane—and Allie flips her keys into her palm, comes around the hood of the car, touches his arm, soft. "Nothing be scared of, sweetie," she says, quiet even though it's just the two of them, and Jensen—believes her. He has to. He wouldn't have gotten into her car, otherwise.

[dilophosaurusatenewman]

Personal vent about feeling infantilized in my relationship.

Chris and I have been together six and a half years. I found out I was autistic within the last couple years, so I didn't know when we first started dating.

I'm not sure if I'm projecting or reading too much into this, but lately I've been feeling a bit dismissed and infantilized about certain things in ways I wasn't before. Since learning about the autism, I've been doing a lot of work to unpack it and unmask etc. So a lot of my traits are more obvious than before. But I still had them before, even if they were less obvious, and I feel like they were treated differently.

For example, whenever I stim or infodump now, he'll usually just shake his head and say "that's cute" or "you're adorable" and I know if I told a neurotypical this they'd probably think I was being a jerk by being upset at being complimented, but it's not a compliment?

One, it makes me feel othered. Every time he comments on something like that, whether it's something supposedly nice or not, it points out how it's something "normal" people probably wouldn't do, at least to the extent I do. Maybe he's just trying to be nice, but I kind of wish he would either just ignore the behavior or, hell, even join in? It would help normalize it, ig. It makes me feel "different" even when I'm in my own home and I've noticed myself policing my behavior more, even at home, as a result.

Two, it feels dismissive, almost like when a toddler spits a nonsense half paragraph at you and you just play along. Before we found out about the autism, he would engage more in my infodumps. He would ask follow up questions and actually be involved in a conversation. This even happened on our very first date, where I went on a long rant, but he asked follow up questions and turned it into a conversation and I've told him that was the moment I decided I wanted to keep seeing him. But now, whenever I go on a rant about something, he just does the nod along and "you're so cute" routine and I feel so dismissed. Not only does he not engage with the material, but he makes me feel like a fucking baby being placated.

I get it. Not everything is interesting to the other person. But I engage in his interests even though I'm not particularly interested because I know it makes him happy. It's so frustrating to try to bring up a topic multiple times because I desperately want to talk about it only to be dismissed and condescended to.

It's also incredibly demoralizing to have issues that impact me so deeply I go into crying jags about them reduced to some quirky little trait. It feels like everything, from my interests to my struggles, are reduced to "that's my autistic girlfriend." He's even just commented "you're so autistic" when I do certain things. I feel tokenized, almost. It's like a double edged sword, because I don't want to be reduced to my autism, but it's inextricably tied into who I am. But now, anything that might be even loosely categorized as a "symptom" is disregarded as if it's the autism and not me.

And yeah, maybe I'm obsessing over this band in a way most neurotypical people wouldn't, but that doesn't make it any less valid? If I've mentioned to you literally 10 times that I want you to listen to them so we can talk about the songs, it's obviously important to me and being dismissed about it over and over again just feels so fucking bad.

Again, maybe it's just some internalized feelings I'm projecting on him, or maybe it's just a normal thing to happen in long term relationships, idk. But it really does seem like his reactions to me have changed since we found out. It feels like any time I try talking about something, as soon as he realizes it might be connected to autism, it's suddenly less important or less valid.

It makes it incredibly difficult to talk about my struggles when they're reduced or dismissed like that. Hell, even talking about my interests sometimes, cause if I get "too" passionate about them, I get treated that way. I'm trying to unpack a lot of stuff and feeling unable to just exist in my own home without being scrutinized is really getting to me.

[etherical-angel]

suicidal again

i get like this whenever my brain starts getting too confused by my delusions and spits me back out into reality. i think im finally getting somewhere, then pieces get confusing again. its like a never ending cycle of new shit to learn. i think i get it, and then it feels like i lost everything. but then i get back on it eventually, so i know i just need to let the wave flow.

��gee maybe dont indulge in ur delusions then’ bro i have people living in my head and get custom messages from higher power its a fuckin unavoidable lifestyle. feels like i have a carrot dangling on a string in front of me and the carrot is symbolical for the apple of knowledge. and god is asking ‘hey are u surreee u even want this knowledge? didnt u come to earth cuz it was too much?’ dont play me old man. why make all this other shit happen if i wasnt on some weird divine mission. torture, probably. a joke.

it makes sense. it doesnt make sense. its close to making sense. its jumbled. its nonsense. its too specific. too many coincidences. too much waiting. feels like my brain is corrupting.

one thing ive known since this all started is that i need to find my soulmates. and i cant do it unless i ‘remember’ and ‘understand’. but im so tired of everything. why cant i just be allowed to make my own choices. im sick of someone else deciding whats right for me. i should be free to figure that shit out through actual trial and error, not a guided path, not through forced restrictions.

they say to just keep waiting but i just want a break. where i dont have to be here anymore. if i cant be allowed my soulmates, i could at least get some time to just…idk….be free again. to understand again. to be one solid soul again.

i just want it to make fucking sense. i know a part of me wants to be able to live in a reality normally, just exist, and would miss the whole ‘ur special’ thing cuz itd be boring without it. but man is it frustrating. pick one, pick one. i dont wanna. i wanna have both.

its taking my life away from me because i get so focused on it that it makes me not want to do anything else, that nothing matters. but if i lose it, block it out again, i still wont feel comfortable.

im gonna eat some food and do some chores and hope i go back to normal(believing, wanting to fight for it).

moments like this i wish i were nothing.

[happyk44]

Legit if I ever did become a semi-popular author (and by that I mean like. 20 ppl I don't know and didn't coerce into buying my books out of family/friendship committment bought and read my stuff and liked it), I would v likely not stop writing fanfic

Bc 1) um. I have way too many ideas that are not easily transferrable to original WIPs and also I do not want more original fucking WIPs okay Bc that requires more than one draft and fanfic is v much write publish and move on for me 🤷‍♂️

And 2) I just don't care. I will v likely never be Trad published BC I just dont have the energy to:

Write multiple drafts

Then shop them to different agencies with my fingers crossed

Revise and go through another draft, possibly multiple of them, if I get picked up by an agent

Shop to different publishers with my fingers crossed

Revise and go through another draft, possibly multiple of them, if I get picked up by a publisher

Do a whole bunch of marketing in between

Probably some other shit I forgot about that will take time and energy that I don't have Bc I work a day job and have chronic illnesses and spend most of my free time asleep anyway

I also just. Don't vibe with the idea that someone can look at my outline, my characters, my story, and all the work I put into it and say "actually scrub these parts out, they're not sellable". I don't like the idea of another person or company owning my story. And I don't have the capacity to write to market. I want to make weird shit that clicks with like 4 people. I don't want to have to sanitize anything.

And I take too long to write as is and with Trad publishing we've got a deadline breathing down my neck. At least if I stick to self-publishing, my drafts can take as long as they want from first to final, with all the editing and beta reading I need in between. Costly? Yeah, that's why the first round of books I've ever published were untouched by outside eyes Bc I was young and broke.

But I have a decent job now and I'm older and more confident in my skills so like. I don't mind putting in a chunk of change, only to come out at a loss in the end 😂 I just want ppl to read it. I don't need all the bells and whistles.

So, yeah, without the weight of "Trad publishers typically want you to scrub away any fanfic you might have", I don't really see the need to kick it to the curb. I like writing fanfic. If I wanna take time between drafts, or while I'm waiting for beta/editor feedback, and scribble out some drabbles or another fucking 60k masterpiece that like 5 people read because I wanna write but I'm too tired to fuck with another original piece, I can do it.

If I got offered smth by a small/indie publisher, I might be happy to take them up on it because they tend to be more forgiving of the weird and wonderful, but I don't like leaving people in the lurch because I'm a slow writer, which is why I really hate that I have those 4 ongoing fics still posted on ao3, and why my plan is to just fucking write and complete the whole series before I even hit publish on book 1 for any future series I may write Bc I don't wanna throw out book one, get at least one person invested, and then take five years to spit out book two.

(plus I get worried that I'll hit publish, start book two and realize I need to change smth in the story that requires going back and changing things in book one 😩 and like yes. I fully outline all books in a series before I hit publish, but hey, outlines are subject to change Bc stories are flexible)

Plus again 3) I like writing fanfic. I like playing with characters and settings I didn't create. I like writing meta and unhinged nonsense abt them. It's a different kind of imagination, and I enjoy it! I don't wanna have to stop unless I'm busy with other shit. And even then, I'd still like the opportunity to return if I wanted without have to orphan or plonk my shit under Anonymous. They're my stories!!

Anyway. Idk. Fingers crossed I finish a draft of smth end of next year 🤷‍♂️

[bingoboingobongo]

romeo and juliet

Pairing: Fezco (Euphoria) x Reader

Type: Fluff

Summary: Fezco sees her at his store for the first time, and he can’t help but let himself fall in love.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: feminine pronouns used (she/her), brief references to romeo and juliet (you don’t need any prior understanding of the book)

A/N: hii, so this is like the first fanfic i’ve written ever, so idk if it will qualify as a “good” fanfic. also i’m brand new to posting on tumblr so you’re gonna have to bear with me here. thank you for reading, likes/reblogs and constructive criticism are always appreciated :)

Masterlist

Fezco never got around to reading Romeo and Juliet. He had dropped out of school before it became required reading, and quite frankly, he had no interest in reading almost five hundred pages of convoluted nonsense. He did, however, understand the basic plot. A guy, Romeo, quickly falls in love with a girl, Juliet, but before their love can truly blossom, it’s cut short by the tragic blade of death. It’s a timeless tale that’s been hammered into his brain through tacky remakes and boring English lessons.

He couldn’t help but think of the Shakespearean classic as he stared curiously at the girl standing in front of him. He had never seen her before, but she was a welcome sight to sore eyes that were constantly subjected to the scrutinizing stares he received from his typical patrons. She wasn’t wearing anything particularly special, just sweatpants and a tight crop top, but the way the fluorescent lights seemed to create a halo around her head, combined with the fact that her voice sounded like a literal muse, made Fezco certain that she was an angel sent from God himself. He wondered if this was how Romeo felt when he first met Juliet, star-struck and in awe at the sight that stood before him.

“Do you think I could get a pack of gum too?” she asks, pulling Fezco out of his thoughts and into the present. He looks at her blankly, mind racing in a fruitless attempt to process what she just said.

“Sorry?” he finally spits out after what feels like hours.

“A pack of gum. Can I get a pack of gum?” she asks again, brows knitted together in confusion.

“Oh. Yeah, uh, what flavor you want?”

“Just mint will do.”

“Aight, here you go,” he replies, pulling a pack of peppermint gum off the shelf behind him. He hands her the gum and when her hand just so happens to brush past his, he swears that he feels sparks racing up his arm and down his spine. “That it?” he asks, trying to ignore the disappointment that creeps into the back of his mind when she nods her head. “Aight, that’ll be twelve dollars,” he relays as he tallies up the cost of her items. He looks down at his feet and mentally chides himself for feeling so enraptured by someone he just met, someone that he would probably never see again, knowing his luck. Against his better judgment, he takes one last look at her as she searches for her wallet in her bag. “You a reader?” he prompts, desperate for another chance to hear her voice.

“What?” she responds, confusion painted on her face.

“Your bag, you got a book in there,” Fez quickly explained, suddenly aware of the fact that he probably looked like a creep looking in her bag. He held his breath as he watched her register what he just said, praying that whatever God had sent her would not be so cruel as to take her away.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m a reader. Well, I’m trying to be at least, I used to read all the time when I was younger but somewhere along the way I just…stopped I guess. I’m trying to get back into that habit. I haven’t been very successful,” she admitted, letting a smile grace her features. 

“You’re good,” Fez chuckled, “what you reading?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” she answered.

“For real?” Fezco asked, surprised that anyone would willingly subject themselves to that torture.

“Yes, and before you start making fun of me, I’d like to make it known that it’s actually got a pretty good plot. Granted, I can barely understand anything they’re saying, but I would be lying if I said I don’t enjoy reading it. Maybe you should check it out, we could start a book club,” she joked; a smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.

“Maybe, I don’t know if I could keep up with a smart girl like you though."

“Yeah, I don’t know if smart is the word I would use to describe myself."

“You gotta give yourself more credit ma, you deserve it.” 

“Funny, that’s exactly what my therapist said,” she quipped as she pulled out three five-dollar bills, “here, you can keep the change.” Fezco took the money from her outstretched hand and filed it into the register next to him. He watched her close her wallet as he bagged her items, handing them across the glass counter and into her hands. 

Fezco wouldn’t describe himself as impulsive; he wasn’t cold and calculating like some corrupt businessman, but he liked to put some thought into the actions he took. There were a lot of things he had to consider; who would it help, who would it hurt, would it affect his future, would it be worth it? Despite his calm demeanor, he constantly felt as though there was a typhoon of thoughts swirling around his brain. So when he decided, in the spur of the moment, to ask the girl in front of him for her name, he felt as if somebody else had taken control over his mind and body. He sucked in a breath as he watched her decide whether or not she was going to comply with his request. 

She looked up from her phone and stared at him curiously. Had it been any other girl he might have felt creeped out, but he couldn’t blame her when he was doing the exact same thing. After what felt like an excruciatingly long time, which was more likely just a few seconds, she obliged, letting her name slip out of her lips. 

He didn’t often think much about names, in his mind they were just meaningless words people went by. A random combination of letters that were probably picked out of some cookie-cutter mommy blog, a moniker that really didn’t have much meaning in regards to who someone was as a person. He couldn’t say that about her name. It seemed to fit her perfectly, like a tailored glove made for a queen. He didn’t know anything about her, but he knew that her name encapsulated everything about her personality perfectly, an entire story beautifully told through the letters and sounds that formed her name. He repeated it out loud, relishing in how it felt on his tongue. “That’s a pretty name,” he replied earnestly.

“Thank you,” she said, a large smile plastered on her face. “You?”

“Fezco, but you can just call me Fez,” he answered, excited that she had seemed curious about him, even if it was just pleasantries.

“Fez, that’s a pretty cool name,” she remarked. “Well, thanks for helping me, Fez. Have a nice night.”

“You too ma. See you ‘round,” he replied, grateful that her back was turned so she couldn’t see the childish grin plastered on his face. He watched her get into her car and drive off like a love-struck teenager with a high school crush. Running a hand over the top of his head, he whispered her name to himself again, repeating it over and over like a prayer. 

Fezco considered himself to be a realist, it wasn’t something he had consciously decided to be, but rather a product of his cruel, unfortunate childhood. He knew that he had been dealt bad cards in life, and he knew that he couldn’t change the deck. He also knew that she probably wasn’t interested in him, how could she be? She looked like she had been sculpted by the hands of Aphrodite herself; she probably had guys much better than him begging for a chance to talk to her. Fezco considered himself to be a realist, but that night, as he was ordering more stock for his store, he added something else to his typical order. A fresh copy of Romeo and Juliet.

[obsessive-ego]

Beej teases Y/N with his tongue? Either by accident like he's trying to finish a jar of jam and can't get the last bit out so he just crams his long flexible tongue in there and licks it clean and Y/N's just off to the side like O: And god help them if he figures it out, one day he's standing casually in the room "eating" a Chupa chup by rolling his tongue over it in delicate little circles and they're like "That's not how you eat that..." And he's all "It's how I do it, slow and thorough~"

I had to look up what a chupa chup was, do we even have these in Canada? Idk

Context wise, it had to be either a sucker or a popsicle, or something along those lines

Out of context it sounds like slang for something dirty...

ANYWAYS

"Is the last bit really that important to you?" You sigh watch beej struggle with the practical empty jar of jam

"Yes" he snarled, you could tell he was starting to get frustrated, the demon grumbles out a soft "fuck it" before bringing the jar to his face, cramming his long striped tongue in the jar.

The jar was transparent, leaving nothing to the imagination, you find yourself staring, mouth slightly agape, watching his tongue swirl around every inch on the jar, lapping up every smidgen of jam, you squeeze your legs closed, embarrassed over the pulse of excitement his nonsense gave you.

"Clean as a whistle, you can put this baby right on the shelf" the ghoul boosts removing his tongue from the spotless jar, aside from the demon spit. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing!" You shout too loud for your liking,

Beetlejuice gives you a sly smile, eyeing you up and down, his gaze pausing on your legs, still clamped shut to an obvious degree.

"Whatever you say babes" was the last you heard of it.

...

A few days later, you and beej were having a lazy after, you and him were relaxing on the couch, you leaning against him playing a silly little phone game, while the ghoul watched some B list horror film.

You're snapped out of your focus when something poked your face

"Want one?"

It was a sucker

"This isn't a netherworld candy that's gonna make me sick is it?" You've been down that road before and never again

Beetlejuice snots out a laugh "come on doll, when ya gonna let me live that one down? It's a basic breather candy, thought you'd need a sugar boost or somethin"

"No thanks" you weren't the biggest fan of that kind of thing

"Suit yourself, more for me"

You thought nothing of it for a moment, until you begin to see unfamiliar movements from the corner of your eye, you turn to investigate assuming it's probably nothing and see Beetlejuice rolling his long striped tongue over the candy in delicate little circles, his tongue lavishing the sugary treat in such a intense and intimate way.

You jump up for the couch the moment you saw, that familiar twinge returning between your legs

"What's the matter babes?" His voice dripping with false ignorance

"Nothing-!" You blurt out

"Doesn't seem like nothing" he purrs returning his attention to the candy, his tongue practically teasing you, were you really jealous of a fucking lollipop? Yes

"That's- that's not how you eat those.." you squeak out, clamping your legs shut hoping to stop the twinge of desire, wanting that talented tongue between your thighs.

The ghoul hums, completely pink, knowing he has you where he wants you "that's I how do it y/n, slow and through, leaving nothing unexplored, tending to every inch, soaking it- hey where you going?"

That was too much, you rushed to your room locking the door behind you, though it wouldn't do much good to a ghost.

Beetlejuice still in the living puasing at your quick escape for a moment before snorting out an awful cackle at how cute you were and how easy it was to get you so worked up, he should have teased you his tongue months ago

[shorkbrian]

Shouto, but as a pleasure dom

(Warnings - overstim (like a LOT), dubcon/noncon (implied, but it’s there), penetration (oh shidd get it shouto), oral (heck he rlly be getting up in there) (and frick idk what else lmk if I missed sumn)

You barely even knew where you were.

A bed was beneath you, that was a fact you were confident in.

There was a fireplace in the room, wood crackling gently, firelight dancing shadows onto the ceiling, the ceiling your unfocused eyes were looking towards.

You were shivering, but not from cold. The room was warm, almost too warm, sweat on your temples, heat trapped in your stomach.

A hand was splayed on your stomach, slender, large. It was warm too, almost burning, matching the sizzling sensation beneath your skin.

It was holding you down, keeping you flush to the bed.

Shouto was kneeled between your legs, your lower half pulled to the edge of the bed. He had your legs over his shoulders, his warm palm smoothed over your stomach to keep you in place. His other hand was entwined with one of yours, grip icy, burning your fingers with cold.

His mouth was working at your cunt, relentless and excruciatingly pleasant, tongue quickly lapping at your folds, then swirling around your clit before dipping lower to plunge inside your entrance.

“Sho-tou, Sh-ah! Ah! Ohmygod wait, shout-O!”

No matter how you moved, his mouth followed you, sucking, pulling your pleasure from you. The man had already made you cum countless times, you couldn’t even remember at this point, body flushed and buzzing with overstimulation.

Still, the pleasure built up again, settling low in your stomach, your clit throbbing, tingling with each rapid flick of his tongue.

The sounds that were being made were absolutely filthy; wet smacks, sucking noises, slurping, lewd squelches and suckling as he worshiped your cunt with his tongue. It felt so good it hurt, making you cry, hips working desperately to pull away, even though there was no escape.

“Please, oh... It feels-feels-! It’s too much Shouto oh my gOD-!”

Another orgasm tore through your body, limbs convulsing, hand squeezing Shouto’s icy palm in a death grip as you wailed.

The man didn’t stop slurping at your cunt.

He was as he always is - steady, measured, relentless in pursuit of his goals.

And his goal right now was to make you cry and scream his name.

Another pass of his tongue, this time with it flattened out completely to drag slowly over your folds. The tip of his tongue hit your clit as he pulled back, and your legs jerked, a desperate whine bubbling out of your throat.

He dove back in after a quick breath, kissing around your lower lips, tongue flicking out to tease your sensitive, dripping hole. When he thrust it inside, you squeaked at the sensation, hips twitching. You could feel Shouto’s smile, feel the flash of his teeth pressed against your skin, the stretch of his cheeks.

Honestly, his determination was a bit frightening. You were sure your thighs were wrapped around his head tight enough to make it hard to move, yet the man worked with ease, drawing back to spit on your cunt, leaning close again to attack his mouth around your clit and suck.

Another orgasm had you thrashing in his hold, crying out, begging for Shouto to wait, stop, too much.

Pleasurable, painful minutes passed as he worked you up to cum again, pussy throbbing and soaked with slick and his saliva.

After making you cum again, Shouto finally relented, pulling away with a wet snack of his lips.

“You’re delectable. Wish you’d let me taste you more.” You both knew that he would take you whenever he saw fit, whether or not you were in the mood.

Most of the time, he was decent, listening when you said no, or told him not to touch.

Other days, he was akin to a bratty child, brow furrowing when you tried to refuse him, eyes hardening. He’d stride towards you with his long legs, and there was no escape. Those days, “no” wasn’t an appropriate answer.

Today was one of those days.

“Why do you taste so good.” He half-moaned, quickly diving back between your legs to give one last, messy lick.

“ShoUTO PLEASE!” You yelled, clit buzzing, skin burning with every sensation. Even his hand on your belly was too much.

“I’m sorry dear, I just can’t help myself sometimes.” He breathed, once again composed and poised as he kneeled between your legs.

Shouto let go of you hand, rising to his feet. The sight of his clothes form reminded you that your body was entirely bare. You probably looked a mess, hair disheveled, dried sweat sticking to your skin under new droplets, limbs trembling, body flushed.

Shouto began unbuttoning his shirt, eyes never once leaving you.

“Absolutely breathtaking.” He murmured, more to himself than you.

You were exhausted, couldn’t even hold yourself up. You let your legs drop, feet resting limply against the floor, body relaxing into the bed. You hoped with every fiber of your being that Shouto was undressing only to help you shower, then you could flop back into bed and sleep forever.

You knew that wasn’t going to happen - it never did.

His shirt came off, then his pants, and finally his boxers. You still shrank under his relentless gaze, and while you knew he was appraising you with love and wonder, your insecurities couldn’t help but rear their heads.

It was hard to listen to insecurities when Shouto was wringing orgasm after orgasm from your spent body. You suppose that’s why he’s like this.

The man had such a beautiful body, sticky legs, thick in build, but slender in their muscles appearance. A defined, softly muscled torso, and strong arms. His pretty face, always seemingly calm and passive, only changing when he was really upset, or lost in the throes of passion and pleasure. Shouto was pretty all over, really, with his smooth skin, manicured nails, the soft, silken strands of his dual-colored hair.

Even his cock was pretty, a soft pink color, thick, but not alarmingly so. Veins ran along the shaft, the glans defined and well-proportionaed compared to the rest of his length.

Shouto was pretty all over, and you felt woefully inadequate. He could have anyone he wanted, anyone, yet he made you hold his heart.

He was climbing onto the bed, gently manhandling until he had you pulled into his lap, your back pressed against his chest. He was propped up by pillows, half-leaning against the headboard so he had unfettered access to every inch of your body.

His cock was resting along your slit, slightly wet at the top, pulsing. It felt uncomfortable - every time it pulsed it would move ever so slightly, and barely feather across your sore clit.

Shouto didn’t let you rest for long, two of his fingers quickly sucked into his mouth before brought down to your pussy, pushing his cock away from your body so his hand could easily cup your sex.

“Just relax now, I’ve got you.”

And his fingers slipped inside, reaching past the places his tongue had explored, proving deeper and deeper. They rubbed tantalizingly at your walls, making you squirm, before slowly beginning to thrust in and out, gently fucking your sloppy cunt.

“Just like that. You’re perfect, so good to me.” Shouto pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

His free hand came around your chest to softly cup one of your breasts, rolling the nipple under his thumb. Your back arched under his ministrations, but he held you firm against his chest. You could feel his rapid heartbeat.

Funny, how he could act so calm, but be falling apart inside.

His fingers grazed against a spot inside of you that had your toes curling, your mouth dropping open.

“No, no Shouto please, it’s too much. I’ve already-you’ve already-please, no more.” You were breathless, twisting in his hold.

Shouto didn’t let up.

“Just a few more.” He murmured in your ear. “I know you can. I’m making you feel so good, you’re lovely.”

You gasped as his fingers inside of you sped up, forcefully hitting that spot over and over again, making you whine.

It felt good, but it was too much, too soon.

The orgasms he had pulled from you with his mouth had been quick, hard, left your lungs heaving and your hips twisting to get away.

This orgasm hit you like a train, appearing out of nowhere, completely overwhelming you.

You were left wheezing, clawing at Shouto’s arms, kicking your legs - but that only made it worse, jostling his fingers inside of you.

Shouto still didn’t stop fingerpicking you, wrist twisting.

You started to cry, slowly at first, then harder when you realized he was still going, forcing you to endlessly orgasm, cunt pulsating as it drooled around his skin fingers.

“Pl-ease! Shouto n-no moreee...” you sobbed, breath hitching.

The man merely kissed your ear, his hand never stopping. You could feel him peering over your shoulder, watching his hand flick as his fingers fucked into you. Watching the violent trembling of your body, the convulsions of your stomach as you were brought over the edge again and again, each orgasm taking longer to reach than the last one.

You couldn’t feel your legs anymore. You barely even knew what was happening anymore.

It was barely registered when his fingers slipped free of your cunt. Your hole was clenching around nothing, insides buzzing, almost number from the overstimulation. You might’ve been hyperventilating, but you were too far out of it to tell, barely aware of your own body, mind listlessly floating between nonsense thoughts.

“Look at you, did so well for me. Your body is incredible.” Hands, one cold, one warm (and wet) trailed along your sides, occasionally pausing to gently squeeze your flesh reassuringly.

You hated how he did this, made you stupid and broken with pleasure, brought you back to conscious thought, then ruined you all over again.

Still faintly sobbing, you weakly batted at his hands, unable to express with words how sensitive you were. Plus, it was gross, his own hand rubbing your own cum all over your skin.

He was kissing your neck, your hair, nibbling sweetly at your ear, whispering praises and compliments.

Shouto had been so rough the first time, desperate, needy. He had left bruises on your hips, hands grabbing too tightly at your flesh, his teeth forming vicious bite marks on your neck and collarbone as he tried to stifle his noises when he fucked into you. At some point he had been babbling, mad with the sensation of pumping your swollen cunt, rambling about how soft, how warm, how pliant your body was.

In a way, his gentleness could hurt more.

Hands gripped his pink cock, easily running it through your slick folds. You let the tip bump against your clit, smiling into your neck when you jumped, revoking back into his naked chest.

Shouto guided his tip to your entrance, holding himself in place as he slowly canted his hips up, sheathing himself into your warmth.

With a low groan, he stilled, fully inside you. You shook in his hold, clutching nervously at the hands no longer holding his cock, but now holding your hips.

He helped you move, easily using his strength to fuck you along his cock, breathing hotly against your neck as he sunk in and out of your tight sleeve. You were confused by the signals your brain was sending. Did it feel good? Did it hurt? We’re you numb? The physical feelings all meshed together, but it was easier to just hang onto Shouto-a hand in his hair, another hand braced against his thigh-than to think.

The man fucked you steadily, hot cock drilling into your dripping pussy without pause, a rhythmic schlick schlick schlick reaching your ears.

You were crying again, shuddering sobs that deprived your lungs of air, that made your head hurt, that blurred your visions Shouto noticed, lifting a hand to wipe away a few tears, but never once stopping his hips.

It wasn’t long before his pace picked up, cock working into you quick and fast. Your brain wasn’t confused anymore - each thrust hurt, but in the best kind of way, rubbing at your insides.

Shouto was moaning now, breathless, talking to you in a gentle tone that contrasted sharply with his half-frantic movements

“So-unh-tight and wet, oh fuck, you feel so heavenly. Sweet little girl, always what I need. Always there for me.”

You turned your head, crying into Shouto’s sweaty neck, unable to focus your eyes. It was so much, too much, and you couldn’t handle it.

“Want to make you feel good, need to-ohhhhh. Your tiny cunt always takes my cock so well, makes me cum so much. You’re just made for me, aren’t you? Sloppy little pussy, made for me to-oh fuck, fuck!” It was rare to hear him swear. The man continued “-Made for me to eat, made for me to touch, made for me to pound into. You’re mine, only mine.”

He was growling now, cock rabbiting into you so fast that you were making little noises on every thrust, little “ah, ah, ah!”’s that made your face flush with shame.

Shouto was suprisingly lewd with his mouth once he was turned on enough, his normally quiet and reserved persona crumbling underneath a horny mess of a man.

“You’re sucking me in, want me to cum?” The questiona as rhetorical-he was going to cum anyways-but still you nodded, face still hidden in his neck.

“Yeah? Yeah? Ohh, you have to cum too-“ you wailed, desperately against the thought of having to go though another orgasm.

“No, you do as I say, sweet little girl.” Shouto admonished, his angle changing slightly as he shifted his hips. “We’re not done until you cum. One more time, just for me.”

You frantically shook your head, gasping for breath, too fucked out to say anything. Shouto was breathing so hard, hissing between his teeth, grunting with the effort of keeping his horribly rapid pace.

A hand slipped down to your cunt, and you screamed when his fingers found your abused clit. “Shouto! No, ah-please! Stop, oh stop-mmmmm!!! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-“

“You can.”

Shouto hissed, furiously rubbing at your clit with three fingers, punishing the little nub.

You came to in the shower, Shouto’s arms around you as a gentle spray of water washed over you.

The man noticed as you stirred, his arms immediately tightening around you as he pressed a loving kiss to your cheek. “Hello, I missed you.”

Blearily, you watched his hands move as he slowly washed you off, dragging a washcloth gently over your shoulders.

He was perceptive, knew your lower half was too sensitive still to even be touched, much less cleaned.

You stayed in the shower for a long while, Shouto humming some unknown tune as he cleaned the both of you.

You didn’t fight when he carried you back to the (now fresh, had he changed the sheets?) bed.

Nor when he tucked you under the covers, crawling to your side to lie close.

You just watched the flames of the fire, watched them dance over the logs, consuming the wood.

Fire was so destructive. Even when it tried to love, it only burned and destroyed.

[dodger-sister]

Disclaimer: I stopped watching mid S9 & only just came back for this last run of episodes, post-the-Covid-break. So I’m not well versed in the current mythology, though I gather Becky says there will be two endings.  Ever since the end of Despair (s15e18), I’ve had this visual in my head of an ending.  I’m not quite sure how to get there, since again, I’m not up on current mythology.  But I wanted to write this down for myself.  It's not a Dean/Cas romance ending, but a friendship ending, and a good ending for everybody and yeah, kinda Dean heavy, but I know what I'm about, idk. But I just had a visual and for the first time in what feels like 1,000 years, I had something in my head that I had to get out through writing, and once again it's SPN, so like...here’s what I’m picturing:

First of all, Jack defeats Chuck.  But it drains all his power and leaves him powerless & more or less human.  Idk who becomes God then…Amara?  Michael? No one?  But when Chuck is defeated, everyone comes back – all the people Chuck deleted, all the Apocalypse World people, all the people like Eileen who died & came back.  Everyone.  And The Empty, as a gift to the boys for ending this nonsense, spits Castiel back out – (as a writer, I know it was actually a good ending for Cas, his pure happiness, but as a fan I won’t stand for it to end that way).  Then angels & demons are suddenly sucked back up into Heaven & Hell, to put things right.  As this happens, Dean turns wild-eyed to Castiel, thinking he’s being taken…but he doesn’t go.  He stays. And it’s in that moment they realize he is human now, blessed to be part of the humanity he loves now. (From this point on Cas’ outfits consist of button-up shirts with the top 2 buttons undone, black slacks, no tie & no trenchcoat). And then somehow we find out – if Amaara is God or whatever, she gives them the 411 -- that angels & demons are on lockdown and unable to return to Earth.  “At least for a millennium or so.  But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things that go bump in the night, boys.” (Also, idk enough about what’s up with Adam, but pls insert your own happy ending in here for that boy, he fucking deserves it, the poor kid).

Then, for some reason – idk, maybe when they came back all the people in the world realized something had happened, things don’t just pick right up where they left off, everyone is a little dazed – a bunch of people are at the bunker with the boys, Apoca-World people & stuff.  And there’s kind of this montage, with a score, maybe a folk-rock song, idk, but like people slowly getting their bearings and heading out; the family with the two daughters, bags slung over their shoulders, shaking the boys’ hands in thanks and then heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen sweetly kissing /fade them out to the next scene/ Jody & Donna & the girls hugging the boys goodbye, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Dean setting a burger down in front of Cas, who smiles softly because there are some things he missed about being human /fade them out to the next scene/ Garth saying goodbye to the boys, heading up the stairs /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen having amazingly hot sex /fade them out to the next scene/ Jack trying out his powers on a houseplant, nothing happens, he nods, accepting this is permanent /fade them out to the next scene/ Charlie & Stevie, with one of those great Dean-&-Charlie hugs where he cradles her head, omg /fade them out to the next scene/ Sam & Eileen in bed together, facing each other, hands pressed palm to palm, fingers interlocked, gazing loving at each other /fade them out to the last person/ Bobby gets a hug from Sam & then Dean, Cas goes to shake his hand and Bobby gives him a gruff look and then pulls him in for a back-slap hug.  “You boys stay in touch.”  Sam’s all, “Always, Bobby.”

Then all that’s left is the four guys + Eileen.  Sam says to Dean, “I’m gonna take Eileen home, get her settled.  I’ll be back in a few days.”

Dean says, “Or you could stay, you know?”  He looks like it’s hard to say, but he’s also happy for Sam.  “It’s not that far.” (Is it, idk, where does she live?)

Sam’s all, “You mean, like move in with her?  Naw, man, naw.  We aren’t there yet.”

Dean goes, “That’s not how it’s seemed this last week around here,” with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Sam blushes, so soft, a soft baby.  “No, Dean.  I mean…we aren’t there, *yet*.”

“Attaboy,” with a slap on the arm.

Then we get Dean hugging Eileen goodbye, she and Sam head up the stairs, Dean turns to Cas & Jack at the table. Cas stands up awkwardly, says, “I suppose I should consider getting a place of my own.  Humans do that, yes?”

Dean goes, “What? No. Are you kidding me? Sam’s gonna be spending a lot of time – and I mean a *lot* of time /suggestive tone/ with Eileen.  You’re not gonna leave me to clunk around this place on my own.”  Then he pauses, can’t quite meet Cas’ eyes, so not good with emotions that he knows what Cas said before The Empty took him but Dean can’t quite acknowledge it.  “Unless, like, that’s something you need.  For yourself, I mean. To not be here. If you wanna move out…”

Cas, firm and sure, “I do not.”

Dean looks up, a smile of relief on his face, “Well, alright then.”

Then Dean turns to Jack.  “What about you?  You gonna try to bail out on us?”

Jack, confused, says, “No, not at all.”

Dean asks, “Then what’s your plan? One day at a time?”

“Actually,” Jack says, and slides a pamphlet over that’s been sitting with a stack of papers on the table, “I hadn’t had time to give it much thought, but I was thinking this.”

Dean picks it up.  It’s a college pamphlet. “College, huh?  Following in Sam’s footsteps?”

“*Community* college,” Jack emphasis.  “So I could live here &, idk, try it out.  See what I want to do next.  The pamphlet says there are many options ahead of me.”

Dean gives Jack his patented half-smirk/half-smile.  “Alright, we can work with that.  What do you need?” He reaches in his back pocket for his wallet.  “Money for books?  A credit card?” He may have taken a while to get onboard the Jack-train, but he’s there now, proud Uncle Dean.  

“I think I’ll need a birth certificate and a, uh,” he glances at a list he’s been making on a piece of paper, “a social security number?”

Dean nods.  “Okay.  I can take care of that. I know a guy.”

He’s happy with both Cas’ and Jack’s answers.

/fade out to the next scene, scores starts back up, idk maybe we use a rock song here?/

There are a few wide shots of regular people going on about their lives, animals in the fields, people walking the streets, life going on, etc.  Then we start to see all the people we know who are still alive, living their lives…Garth, Charlie & Stevie being happy and domestic, Jody & Donna & the girls, Bobby, other people idk, Jack walking onto campus with a backpack over his shoulder & smiling on his first day of college, Sam and Eileen cooking in her kitchen & cute-kissing & being adorably cute together like so smushy cute.

/fade into  the next scene/ Cas is at the kitchen table researching, Dean walks in and heads to the fridge.

He asks, “You got anything, Cas?”

Cas says, “I think there is a nest of vampires in ***insert place*** and a poltergeist in ***insert place***.  You could probably take care of one and hit the other on your way back.  And for your pleasure, you will pass by ***something like the world’s largest ball of string***.”

Dean grins, thrilled about the cheesy tourist trap idea, “Oh, I’m down with that.  You in?”

Cas gives his doubtful face.  “It’s Jack’s first week of school.”

Dean nods, “Say no more.  I’ll call Sammy.”

/Final scene – music starts, Ramble On by Led Zeppelin/

Dean is standing outside Eileen’s apartment, at the back of the Impala, with the trunk open.  Sam comes out with a duffel, tosses it in the trunk among the other weapons.  We see the classic shot from the trunk POV of the two boys.  Sam smiles, content, ready.  “We got work to do.”  The trunk slams shut.  We see the boys get in the Impala, shut their doors at exactly the same time.  The view is from the back of the car as it revs up and starts off down the road.

Ramble On plays as we watch the Impala drive off until we can no longer see it.

Cut to credit screen that reads – “Carry on, my wayward sons & daughters.  Thank you for 15 years of memories.”  - Love, Eric, Jensen, Jared, Misha and the entire SPN cast & crew.

Boom, bam, credits roll.

(Sorry, I can’t for the life of me figure out a Read More break)

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Matsuki

Main Pairing: Bakugou x Koge (OC) w/ Matsuki (OC) Featured Characters: Kirishima x Nene (OC) w/ Otoha (OC), Seijirou (OC) x Dokuji (OC), Masaru x Mitsuki, Kozue (OC), Ryuji (OC)

Rating: Teen-ish? Could be Mature if you wanted to really be serious about it Warnings: Cursing, adult suggestive conversation, pregnancy, labor, birth, very soft Bakugou, cute fluffy family things Genre: Fluff / Romance / Domestic / Family Words: 5,964

A/N: This is the first time I’ve ever written anything like this, and I was extremely nervous and anxious about how it turned out. It still makes me cry when I reread it, so I think it’s fine lol. Forgive anything that I got wrong, I did do a lot of research and watched a lot of labor and delivery vlogs to try and get this as accurate as I can. Since I haven’t had any children of my own, idk how to properly explain or express the feelings of it all. Hopefully I got close. Either way, I hope those of you that like Koge will enjoy~

“You’re shitting me.”

“I’m not Katsuki. I’m not shitting you, that just happened.”

The two lovers stared at each other as Koge stood in the hot clear liquid that had just cascaded down her legs, soaking her orange fluffy socks. Standing for a moment to relieve some pre-labor cramps had resulted in something more than what either of them was expecting that calm and chilly February day. Koge’s water had just broken, and the constant recurring pain she had been feeling the past few days finally made sense. Sure, they knew that it was going to happen at any moment since her due date had already passed them by a week ago, but that didn’t dull the shock any less. In fact, the shock was so severe that neither of them moved until Koge felt a sharp contraction, making her cry out and double over a bit, gripping the edge of the couch for support.

“Okay, Katsuki, it’s now! Right now!”

“Fuck!” Bakugou ripped off his gaming headphones, ignoring the confused grumbling of his friends as he tossed all game gear aside on the couch before leaping up. He was in and out of the bedroom with suitcases in hand faster than one would expect, not even bothering to change out of his pajamas. “Utsuro, you have the worst fucking timing with everything, I swear!”

Digging her nails into the couch, Koge glared at him as he dashed around to grab this thing and that item that they would probably need, though she didn’t care to keep track of what he was getting in her pained state. “Shut up, I can’t help it that I’m going into labor! Argh, oww! Hurry!”

“Don’t rush me, I’m going to forget something!”

“Then forget it! You can get it afterward!” With a moment of a dull pain, Koge waddled her way towards the door. “This isn’t a business trip, I’m about to pop! And rip your eyes out while I’m at it!”

Shrugging on a backpack and picking up a suitcase, Bakugou glowered down at his lover as she clutched onto him, having to stop again as she cried out in pain. “You tell me to be prepared, and then you threaten me when I’m trying to be.” He opened up the front door, leading her out at her pace. “What the hell do you want from me?!”

“Don’t yell at me, Katsuki!” As tears began to stream down her flushed face, Bakugou was immediately hit with a rush of confused feelings, unsure of how to handle any of this. Had he gone to all those stupid classes with her? Yes. Had he read all those stupid articles about how to handle this exact moment? Yes. Was he being calm and rational like they told him to be? No, not at all. How could he be? The woman he adored more than anything was crying, screaming and about to go through the most painful thing she would probably ever experience. Nothing he could have read or studied could prepare him for this. But, he knew he had to try to calm down, for her and their child. If she was upset, it would only make it all worse.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry! C’mon, you’re doing good.” Encouragement seemed to work well to get her down the hall to the elevator, where she clutched onto the railing inside with both hands, leaning forward and breathing heavily.

“Katsuki, I want you to imagine-” A wince interrupted her, followed by a moment of deep breaths. “Someone shoving a watermelon up your ass. Not a small one, a fucking big one. Oooh, ow ow- And they shove it all the way up into your intestine. And force you to shit it out. Imagine that. Imagine it.”

Bakugou could only stand there in stunned silence for a moment, watching the numbers on the elevator decline. Never before had he heard her talk like this, and that was also a visual he never thought would be brought into his imagination. “Uhm… Utsuro, I don’t think that’s something I could imagine if I wanted to.”

“Did you know that there’s data that women have a higher pain tolerance than men just for this reason? Just for the act of pushing a tiny human through your vagina.”

“This is the longest elevator ride of my life.”

“Shut up, don’t chastise me! I’m spitting facts here.”

“You’re spitting nonsense. C’mon.” Right before the elevator stopped, Bakugou gently pried her off the metal bar, allowing her to clutch onto his arm instead with her iron grip. “Do you want me to walk you to the car or go get it?”

“We’ll be walking for an eternity, Katsuki. I can’t do it, I can barely stand.” Hiding her face into his upper arm, Koge walked beside him the best she could. “Just leave me. Leave me to suffer, you’re gonna hate me after this, anyways.”

With a roll of his eyes, Bakugou stopped at the entrance to the apartment complex, leaving her there with the suitcase. “It’s your turn to shut up, I’m not leaving you, stupid. Don’t move.” Before she could confirm or complain any further, he sprinted out the door at full speed to the parking garage where his car was waiting for him. Left alone, Koge sniffled and clutched at her swollen abdomen, leaning back against the wall.

She had been through pain before. She had bones broken, bruises, cuts and whatever else came with her profession. But this was something that she could never have prepared herself for. The daily cramps she had gone through were nothing compared to these, which were rolling through her body from a dull pain to a full-on contraction that almost crippled her to the floor. It was obvious to her now that these pains she had been feeling for the past couple of hours weren’t just the regular pre-labor cramps. She had been having contractions, and her water had just now broken. It was stupid of her to have not realized, and now she worried that she may have caused extra complications by not going to the hospital sooner.

As her worried lover returned to her, she clutched onto him tightly, struggling to walk through a strong contraction. “I’ve been in labor for hours and didn’t realize it, Katsuki, I’m so stupid!”

“You’re not stupid, don’t talk like that.” Bakugou got her into the front seat of the car that he had already leaned back, helping her buckle in. “Just… lay there and breathe, alright?”

“Take my socks off, please.” Koge struggled to speak between her hiccups and sobs, the way she looked up at him so pathetic he nearly felt like crying himself. “They feel gross and wet.”

Unable to help a small chuckle, Bakugou pulled her socks off as requested, before giving her a comforting kiss on the lips. “Anything you want. Any other requests before we drive off?”

“One more kiss.”

Bakugou gladly gave it to her, though it was cut short as she cried out, wiggling in her seat. “Okay, no more, time to go.” He shut the door and was in the car within seconds, speeding off at what traffic and the law would allow him. Now that he was sitting, he could finally feel how intensely he was shaking. Every inch of his body felt jittery, squeezing the steering wheel so tightly he feared he may just break it. He was nauseous, excited, scared, worried and just all around ecstatic. They had been preparing for this for months, and now their little man was finally going to be here. Still, they weren’t out of the woods yet. He knew that any number of things could happen to both Koge and the baby in the next few days, and though he tried to keep those thoughts at bay, he couldn’t stop them.

All he could do was try to think of anything else. Right now, all that mattered was getting her to the hospital as quickly and safely as he could.

“Katsuki,” Koge spoke between heavy breaths, hands still on her stomach. “Talk to me. Tell me a story.”

“A story? Like what?”

“I don’t know, just something! Something funny, I don’t care.”

“Fuck, uhm…” Bakugou glanced at her as she shifted about uncomfortably in her seat. “Do you remember right after I graduated, when I came to visit you in Eguchi’s studio and we started fooling around in the locker room?”

Nodding, a small smile broke Koge’s lips at that moment, though it couldn’t stand up against the need to wince with another rush of pain. “How could I forget that? Y-you were so handsy and excited, I don’t know why you were like that.” Becoming winded, she took a moment to breathe before she continued. “Why were you?”

“I think having watched you teach a class got me all riled up. But that wasn’t what I was getting at. Remember how loud Eguchi screamed when he walked in on us?”

“Oh!” With a laugh, Koge brought a hand up to cover her mouth, something she did when she got embarrassed. “He was so dramatic. We hadn’t even started doing anything yet, and he acted like we had just committed murder. ‘Don’t fornicate in my studio!’, he says.”

“Who the fuck uses ‘fornicate’ in a sentence seriously?”

“Seijirou, that’s who. Hypocrite, him and Doey probably-- ow, ow, ow damn it! Ah, they probably do way worse. Did you get my phone?”

Reaching into his pocket, Bakugou pulled out her phone and handed it to her. “See? I would have forgotten it if you had been in charge.”

“I am in charge! I’m gonna post online that I’m going into labor-”

“No, Utsuro-”

“- so everyone calls and shows up at once-”

“- don’t do that-”

“- it’s… baby… time!” She typed with furious speed, not giving him a chance to talk her out of it. “Boom, posted. Argh, damn it!” Letting out a heavy cry, she slammed her hand down onto the car door. “Baby time is pain!”

“We’re almost there, Utsuro, just- hey, get your foot off my dash!” Bakugou glowered at his lover as she simply put her other foot up as well. “What the fuck?”

“Shut up, it helps!”

“Damn it, you’re freaking insane right now.”

The rest of the trip to the hospital varied, from bickering to Bakugou trying to comfort her, to Koge begging for distraction in the form of stories or stupid conversation. What was only ten minutes felt like an eternity for both of them, and arriving at the hospital was even worse. Apparently, what Koge was feeling was only stage one of active labor, or that’s what the nurse that got her set up in the Labor and Delivery room called it. After a bit of running some tests and watching Koge’s contractions, they determined that her cervix was only dilated up to six centimeters, and she had another four to go before the birth would begin. Being the stubborn woman that she was, Koge declined the use of epidural, and so she was settled into the room to await the full dilation of her cervix.

Dressed in a gown now, Koge wandered about the room, as sitting didn’t help the pain at all. Bakugou was with her at all times, holding her hands and helping her with whatever she asked for, though it was more like commands. By now, Bakugou’s initial rush had faded, and he was able to think more clearly and calmly to better help Koge cope.

“C’mon, Utsuro, tell me. What do you think he’s gonna look like?”

Breathing heavily as a contraction passed, Koge held onto Bakugou’s hands tightly, leaning forward a bit with her forehead pressed into his chest. “Just like you… He’s going to be your little clone.”

“Same hair and eyes? Everything?”

“Yes.” As the pain subsided for a moment, Koge stood up straight, releasing his hands to instead clutch onto his shirt. Looking up at him, a smile crossed her lips as he gently moved her hair out of her face, releasing the sticky grip of sweat. “Just like you. I’ll have my two beautiful boys, my Katsuki and Matsuki. My fluffy-haired boys.”

With a small chuckle, Bakugou gave her lips a soft kiss, beginning to help her walk backwards again as she winced. “I think he’s gonna have white hair. My style, but your color.”

“No way. I grew him inside me, I know exactly what he’s gonna look like. And it’s gonna be exactly like you, won’t even be able to tell you apart when he’s an adult. Fuck, fuck, fuck that’s a good one, owww!” With his help, Koge squatted down, squeezing his hands tightly. “I hate this! No more babies, not ever!”

“Remember what you said, Utsuro, you always wanted three.”

“I want three without the pain!”

“Well, that’s not gonna happen if you want to birth them yourself. And you refused the pain meds, so you gotta deal with it.”

“Don’t smart-mouth me. I’ll rip your eyeballs out, I swear.”

Before Bakugou could comment, there was a knock on the door, before it opened up to reveal a nurse and some very unexpected company. “Some of your family has arrived, Ms. Naegi, would you like them to come in or wait in the waiting room?”

Peeking up and looking between Bakugou’s legs, Koge’s eyes instantly landed on her mother, who was looking at her with teary eyes. With Bakugou’s help, Koge stood, nodding to allow the nurse to let them in. “Yeah, if they’re family, they can come in. And if someone says their name is Kirishima. Hey, Mama!” Koge hugged her mother tightly as the petite older woman nearly ran up to her.

“Oh, my sweet baby! Are you sure you should be walking around right now, they told me you were almost at eight centimeters by now.” Stroking Koge’s back, she looked up at Bakugou, giving him a smile that greatly resembled her daughters. “Katsuki, you’re being so wonderful.”

“Well, Kozue, she has threatened to rip out my eyes a couple of times, so I have to behave. Not gonna lie, though, I seriously need to take a piss break. Especially before my parents show up, that’ll--”

“Katsuki! How dare you not call us when she went into labor! We had to find out from online!”

The sudden blaring voice of his mother instantly made Bakugou stop, glowering at Mitsuki as she barged in past the nurse to Koge’s side, who was now gripping the end of her bed and leaning forward with another strong contraction. Taking in a deep breath to keep himself from yelling, Bakugou instead looked at his father, feeling a bit of relief at the presence of a man who looked just as bewildered as he felt. Though, as he began to head towards him to hopefully take a break from the madness, Koge called to him, making him stop.

“W-wait, Katsuki, where are you going? Don’t leave me!” The panic and tears streaming down her flushed face made Bakugou’s heart drop, putting his arms around her as she stumbled over to him. “What if I have the baby while you’re gone! Don’t go!”

“Utsuro, you’re being overdramatic, I seriously just need to take a piss and get some air.” Bakugou coaxed her back towards the bed, helping his sobbing lover back up onto it. “What is all this, you’re going from anger to sadness in like three seconds.”

“But I need you! Pee in the pan, please don’t go anywhere. I can’t do this without you.” Instead of laying down, Koge grabbed a pillow, squeezing it tightly to her chest. “Ow fucking hell, I feel like I need to hit something!”

Kozue came to sit beside her daughter. “Koge, baby, let Katsuki go to the bathroom, me and Mitsuki are here for you. We won’t let him miss the baby, okay?” With a wave of her hand and while Koge was busy yelling into the pillow, Bakugou ducked out of the room, leaving the women to deal with the labor pains.

Another four hours went by like this until Koge was to the point that she couldn’t even stand to walk off the pain. By now, the nurse was always present, observing her condition and giving instruction to make sure that things were going as smoothly as they possibly could. Bakugou’s hand was permanently fixed into Koge’s, as she refused to let him go or let him out of her sight for more than a few minutes at a time. She was quite set on the fear that he would leave and then the delivery would happen without him, which was a thought that brought her to tears. Bakugou thought that it was ridiculous, but to keep her calm, he stayed by her side without question.

“Okay, Ms. Naegi,” The nurse began, having just finished with a test to check her dilation. “Looks like you’re at full dilation. You said you’re feeling the need to push, right?”

Koge nodded, sitting up as laying down was very uncomfortable. “Yeah, though it feels more like I have to take a giant shit.”

“That’s normal. Just keep breathing and if you feel the need to push, then you can. I’m going to get the doctor in here so we can start, okay?” With a gentle touch to her arm, the nurse left the couple alone, quietly ushering the parents out.

Once the door closed and they were completely alone, Koge looked up at Bakugou, the tears once again beginning to stream down her face. “It’s about to happen, Katsuki… Our little man is about to be here.”

Knowing that she wasn’t going to let his hand go, Bakugou brought his free one around to push her hair out of her face gently. “You’re doing great, Utsuro… Why are you crying?”

Squeezing his hand tightly as she had another contraction, Koge leaned her head back, wincing and gasping. “I-It hurts. But I’m so happy. Katsuki, you stay right there, I mean it.”

“I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, you’ve got a death grip on my hand right now. Hey, she said it’s alright to push, don’t hold it.” He stood from his chair as Koge did just that, leaning back against the propped up hospital mattress, her cries making his stomach churn. At any second, if he lost even a sliver of control, Bakugou knew that he would vomit. He was so anxious, so filled with a mix of nervous and happy energy that he could hardly take it. Yes, he knew that she was going through way worse, but since he wasn’t distracted by the pain, he was left to his constant worrying thoughts. It was to the point that nothing he did helped her anymore, and he hated to see her in such pain.

As she calmed for the moment, Bakugou knelt beside the bed which had been lowered to accommodate Koge’s height, before leaning forward to give her cheek a comforting kiss. One hand still on the top of her head, he stroked her hair softly, his nerves calmed for just a moment as she smiled up at him. With her tender touch, she stroked his cheek gently, giving a soft and content hum.

“My Katsuki… I love you so much. You mean the world to me.”

Bakugou wasn’t sure if it was her words or how nervous he was, but sitting with her like this filled him with such an intense emotion that he immediately felt like bursting into tears. This woman was his everything, his lover, his best friend and his reason for waking up in the morning. She was love, hope, pride, and beauty. She was his Koge, and out of everything he had ever done or said, she loved him. The burning that built up in his eyes and the way his vision blurred was enough to solidify how much he adored her, and before he could even come up with a response to her, the tears escaped him.

At first, shock crossed Koge’s flushed face before she began to cry again herself, latching her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Hiding his face into her shoulder, Bakugou caressed her petite body as carefully as he could, even though his emotions were so out of control he wanted to squeeze her. Sniffling and trying to clear out his now clogged senses, he struggled to speak, taking in a shaking breath.

“I love you, too. My Koge… More than fucking anything…” The thought of letting her go only made his boiled over emotions begin to steam, unable to pull himself away. “You can do this… We can do this.”

The feeling of her fingers through his hair calmed him enough to finally be able to sit up, his heart fluttering from the smile on her face. Cupping his cheeks softly, she wiped his skin of tears before pulling him in for a kiss. “We got this, Katsuki… Just… hold my hand and I’m sorry if I break your fingers.”

“Utsuro, you could break my arm and I wouldn’t give a shit.”

After a soft giggle, another kiss was shared before Koge suddenly became aware of the pain again, wincing and wiggling as she laid her head back. “Okay, okay Matsuki, I get it, you want all the attention!” In the moment that she cried out and went back to squeezing the life out of Bakugou’s hand, the door to the room opened. Four people came inside, one of them dressed head to toe in protective garb, including a splash mask to protect her eyes. They brought with them supplies, none of which Bakugou could make out, as he was more focused on what they were saying.

“Okay, Ms. Naegi, we’re going to start the delivery now. Keep pushing if you feel the need to while we get set up.”

“Heart rate and blood pressure are good.”

“Positioning is good, no current complications.”

In their practiced and rushed movements, Bakugou didn’t even notice the other person in the room until the familiar voice snapped at him, gaining his attention. “Katsuki, don’t look so emotionless and comatose!”

Glaring at his mother, Bakugou instantly felt his ears flush hot at the camera pointed at him, having not even realized she brought one. “Who let you in?!”

“Me!” Koge wasn’t looking at either of them, but instead focusing on getting her legs into the props as the nurses positioned her for birth. “I asked her to film it.”

“Without asking me?”

“Damn right, because you would have said no! Argh! Katsuki, don’t complain, who gives a shit!” Koge squeezed his hand tightly as she couldn’t resist the urge to push, leaning her head back. “Damn it!”

“Okay, Ms. Naegi, it’s time to push.” The doctor was positioned at the end of the bed between her legs, now. “With your contractions, don’t try to force it.”

Koge had never been in so much pain in her entire life. Pushing that little human through her was something that she could never have prepared for, no matter how many things she read or classes she went to. Every single contraction up to this point was like a little needle prick, though she did have to admit that the effort of pushing helped quell the initial pain. She could feel that she was drenched in sweat, head pounding and jaw sore from clenching her teeth.

Everything vanished in an instant when there was a sudden feeling of emptiness and a warm, wiggly weight was placed on her chest. Crying with an incredibly strong set of lungs, the little Matsuki had been delivered into the world. As the nurses worked to wipe him clean as he rested on Koge, she could only sit there and stare down at him, panting.

“Here’s your sweet little boy! What is his name?”

“M-Matsuki.” Koge was able to choke out, between her heavy breathing and tears. “My Matsuki.” When the nurses finally backed off for a bit, Koge shifted the baby up just a bit higher on her chest to be more comfortable, looking up at Bakugou with a wide smile on her flushed face. “Our Matsuki.”

Bakugou was only pulled out of his stunned state by her smile, that burning returning to his eyes as he looked at her. Sniffling, he quickly reached up and wiped his eyes, overwhelmed with happiness and excitement at the birth of his son. “You fucking did it, Koge. You did it!” After kissing her with an excited passion, he turned his attention back to the still screaming child in her arms. The smile on his face was something that couldn’t be stopped, nor could he resist rubbing the child’s back softly, even if he was covered with a blanket.

“Our little squid… He even looked like one coming out, Utsuro, just wait until you see it.”

“I love him. My little darling.” Stroking the babies arm softly, she softly hummed and tried to calm him, finding that she was successful quite quickly. Matsuki calmed, only giving little gurgles as he grew comfortable against his mother. Giving a heavy sigh, Koge leaned her head back, closing her eyes as a feeling of relief and calmness washed over her. “Katsuki… now comes the true hard part. For both of us.”

Softly moving her hair out of her face, Bakugou kissed her lips softly, before resting his forehead against hers. “Whatever comes, Utsuro, we’ll do it together… All the sleepless nights and dirty diapers in the world couldn’t stop me from loving you both.”

New tears cascading down her cheeks, Koge smiled nearly from ear to ear, nuzzling her nose against his affectionately. “My sweet Katsuki…”

Sniffling and soft sobbing from the other side of the bed caught their attention, and Bakugou instantly felt his face flush with fire at the fact that his mother was still filming them. “Hey, Mom, get that off of us!”

“No way!” Mitsuki wiped her eyes, near sobbing herself. “My boy, being sweet! I have to get it all! And my beautiful grandbaby!”

Giggling softly, Koge kissed Bakugou’s cheek to gain his attention. “It’s okay, Katsuki… I know I’ll never forget this moment, but… I really wanted it on camera.”

Bakugou looked back down at the baby, feeling himself calm just from the presence of the child and the happiness of the occasion. “Okay, okay… It’s worth it.”

“It is… So worth it.”

The rest of the process came and went, with the baby being taken away to be cleaned, checked and wrapped up for warmth. Koge went through the rest of her steps as well, delivering the placenta with no difficulties. Once mother and child were both cleaned up and deemed healthy enough with no signs of issues, the two of them were moved into a recovery room. The first thing the nurses suggested was to have Koge breastfeed if she wanted, which after an assisted trip to the bathroom, she took the opportunity without hesitation.

“He’s so squishy, I don’t know how to… move him.” Koge carefully handled the child in her hands, shifting her clothing aside to maneuver him to her right breast. Quite instantly, the child latched on, bringing a new smile to Koge’s face. “That’s it, little man. Get it.”

Bakugou chuckled, sitting next to her on the edge of the bed. “Look at him go. He’s a natural, I guess.”

“I’m the one that’s gonna need practice.” Koge shifted her position just a bit, though did her best to not disturb Matsuki. “Look at him, he’s the most adorable thing ever! I love him so much.” She lied her head on Bakugou’s shoulder as he stroked her hair gently, both of them watching their child nurse.

“Me too, Utsuro.” Seeing some movement through the window in the hospital room door, Bakugou glanced up, noticing a raven head of hair dash out of view in that same instant. With a sigh, he kissed Koge’s head softly before standing. “Looks like there are people that want to come in. How are you feeling?”

“I feel great, Katsuki. It’s okay, you can let them in.”

“You’re not embarrassed about having the baby on your tit?”

Giggling, Koge shook her head. “No love, not at all. They can’t see anything anyway. Let them in before they have a heart attack.” Making sure that at least her other breast was covered and that Matsuki was comfortable, she watched Bakugou as he made his way to the door, opening it just a crack at first. He hissed something at everyone, probably telling them to keep it down before he allowed them in.

Seijirou was the first, hands over his mouth as he excitedly entered the room, nearly hopping. “Oooh my goodness, look at the baby!” The quiet, excited squeal told Koge that Bakugou did tell them to be quiet. “Doey, look!” Dokuji barely got one glance in before he looked away, face flushing at the fact that Koge was basically nude. Next was Mitsuki and Masaru, then Koge’s parents Kozue and Ryuji, followed by Nene and Kirishima with little twins Otoha and Daiki in their father’s arms.

“Ko-Chan! I can’t believe it! Finally, we’re mommies together!” Nene quietly came up next to the bed, sitting down next to her best friend. Koge couldn’t get rid of the smile on her face, glancing up at everyone as they came at varying distances to see the still nursing baby. Bakugou seemed more wary of the company than Koge felt, wanting to share the experience with everyone. Sure, she may not want anyone to hold the baby just yet, but having everyone sit like this with her felt like such a blessing. Everything had gone perfectly, and now she could only expect that the happiest years of her life were to follow.

“Thank you, Ne-Chan. And thank you, everyone, for coming to visit. I promise everyone will get a chance to cuddle him, but he’s all mine right now.” Koge looked down at Matsuki, softly stroking the top of his hand. “My adorable Matsu… Gonna look just like his Daddy.”

“Aw C’mon, Koge, don’t curse the kid like that.” Seijirou joked with a smirk, ignoring the fuming Bakugou across the bed from him. “That’s the worst you could have happen!”

“Shut up, you kook!” Bakugou snapped, able to keep his voice surprisingly low. “Before I kick your stupid ass out of here!”

Koge laughed softly, watching Otoha as the young girl looked at the new baby curiously from her place upon Nene’s lap. “What do you think, little Otoha? Is Matsuki gonna be your best friend? Bestest friend in the whole world?”

Nene giggled, giving Bakugou a sly smile. “The baby talk begins. You make fun of us for it, but you’ll see! You’ll forget how to talk like an adult.”

Before Bakugou could snap back, Matsuki began to cry, bringing forth ‘aww’s from nearly everyone in the room. Adjusting her gown back into place, Koge looked up at Bakugou. “Katsuki, would you-?”

Understanding, Bakugou nodded and scooped the child into his arms. Even though it wasn’t his first time, the emotion at holding his son swept through him again, forcing him to turn his back to the group so they wouldn’t see it. He bounced and rocked the child softly, hushing him quietly with every bounce. “It’s alright, squid, I gotcha.”

“I can’t believe I’m watching my son bounce a baby, let alone his own child! I never thought I’d see the day!” Mitsuki lied her head on Masaru’s shoulder, hugging his arm tightly. “It’s the cutest damn thing! Isn’t it, honey?”

Nodding, Masaru removed his glasses, his own eyes tearing up. “It’s adorable.”

“You two shut it! Enough mushy crap!” Bakugou hissed at them over his shoulder, still trying to calm the crying baby. With a happy sigh, Koge leaned back into her mattress, starting to truly feel exhausted without the baby in her arms.

“It is adorable… He’s going to be a great father…” As her eyes closed, Nene stood with Otoha in her arms, looking over to Kirishima as the redhead wiggled over to Bakugou to see the baby.

“Hey, we were all complaining about being hungry a minute ago, why don’t we go get something to eat and let Koge nap for a little while? Then we can come back. I know I needed a nap immediately after giving birth.” Nene nuzzled her nose against her daughter's cheek, making the little girl giggle. Giving Bakugou a soft pat to his shoulder, Kirishima joined his wife.

“I agree, baby. I think she’s already out of it.” With a sharp-toothed grin, Kirishima pointed down at Koge, who was clearly already asleep.

Tenderly fixing Koge’s sheets up over her, Kozue gave her daughter a gentle kiss on the top of her head before turning her attention to Bakugou. “We’ll be back to let her rest.”

“Yeah, then it’s our turn for the baby.” Mitsuki began to leave with a gentle touch from Masaru. “I want to hold my grandson!”

“You’ll hold him when I say so.” Bakugou’s glare didn’t back down as everyone filed back out of the room, with Kozue being the last. Before she left, she smiled at Bakugou sweetly, calming him for the moment.

“You all get some rest. Thank you for being so good to her, Katsuki. No one else in this world is better suited for her than you, and I’m so happy you’re together.”

Swallowing the emotional lump in his throat, Bakugou gave a nod in understanding, finding it difficult to respond with words. With that, Kozue left the room, shutting the door softly behind her. The new silence bringing peace to his mind, Bakugou looked down at Matsuki, who had fallen asleep in his arms. As carefully as he could, Bakugou laid the child down in the bassinet next to Koge’s bed, giving a soft sigh of relief when the child didn’t wake. Though, his lover did, lifting her head a bit to glance around.

“Huh? Where’d everyone go? Did I fall asleep?” She looked up at Bakugou as he sat down beside her, taking her hand gently. After sharing a quick kiss, Koge shifted her body over, giving him room to lay down beside her without any cords getting in the way. Bakugou took the silent invitation gladly, carefully caressing her body to his once they grew nice and comfortable.

“Yeah Utsuro, everyone left just a second ago to go get something to eat.”

“You didn’t want to go with them? You have to be hungry by now.” Koge softly ran her hand along the skin of his arm, smiling against his lips as he kept his face close to hers. “I would let you go now… If you wanted.”

“No way.” Bakugou caressed her cheek, looking into her eyes with such an uncharacteristic softness that Koge couldn’t help but wiggle herself in closer. “I couldn’t be away from you even if I wanted to.”

“You’re so sweet, Katsuki... I love you.” With another kiss, Koge nuzzled her face against his, settling in with her eyes closed. “I love you so much.”

Bakugou grew comfortable as well, moving his hand back down to hold her body to his. “I love you too, Koge. Now get some sleep… We’ll have lots of ‘family bonding’ to do when you get up.”

“It’s always been my dream to have a family with you… I’m so happy.”

“Me too… I’ve always known that you’d be the one I get to call my lover… and the mother of my children. For my family, there’s nothing I want more...”

[planetbass]

I FORGOT WHAT EMOJIS I WAS GONNA SEND BC OF WHAT U NAMED UR ASKBOX SO I HAD TO LOOK AT EM AGAIN DHJSSHDJ BUT HQ 🎥 💕 🏳️‍🌈

i accidentally xed out of this tab im going to commit kermit falling off roof vine. anyways im going to recreate the fuckign 500 words id already written best i can i guess. on the bright side, this draft will probably be much better than whatever nonsensical stuff i’d written before i accidentally thanosed it.

i Just changed my inbox name the other day but i dont remember what it is...... im sure it was something i thought was funny at like 3 am......

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your [special interest]?

SO fucking many. umm here r a few ig off the top of my head

the first thing that comes to mind is. the fucking scene where. theyre at training camp and hinata thinks there’s a . lost child among them or something and it’s fucking dark and scary and dramatic but it turns out it was just noya with his hair down (which added like 2 inches to his height)

any and all of the scenes in s2 with the 3rd gym squad (bokuto, kuroo, akaashi, hinata, tsukishima). 

in the manga, kuroo’s backstory abt how his shyness was “worse than [kenma’s]”

literally ANY and ALL times kuroo and daishou interact because theyre so fucking funny

kuroo: h

daishou: i hope youf ucking die i hate you i h

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

tit i cant believe you DO this to me when you KNOW how much i already talk about him and love him....

i think it really comes down to the fact that i see a lot of myself in him. it seems weird at first maybe, but when it comes down to his core character... similar. i identify with him a lot. he’s also a huge comfort character. poor kuroo suffers under all of my vent writing. it’s surprising i dont kin him but you never know i guess. 

idk if it still happens (it probably does tbh :unamused:) but he used to be characterized as like. extroverted sexy mccool guy by the fanbase and it was weird cuz kuroo is . A HUGE NERD. WHAT SORT OF KID, WHEN FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, DROPS THE TERM DOCOSAHEXAEONIC ACID INTO AN INSULT. his hair has no product in it to look Hot or anything it is not on purpose it is his natural, shitty bedhead from sleeping weird. he acts like a dumbass sometimes bc he’s a goofy guy, but he’s also SUPER smart. n people brush him off/think he’s joking when he says “i’m always this nice” but he IS he’s one of the most selfless characters. he’s really considerate and he helps people no matter what, even when he doesn’t have to - like when he helped tsukki during the training camp (not just on his technique, but he also helped him find his passion for volleyball) despite wanting to go up AGAINST tsukki’s team in nationals. not to mention that he wants karasuno to get better because he wants his team and karasuno to have an official match together to please his coach. AND despite winning against nohebi in the semifinals, when a group of strangers bash nobehi for their slimy tactics to scrape up points and gain the favor of the refs, kuroo DEFENDS nohebi even though he didn’t have to and when he has personal rivalry against their team’s captain. i will also stand by the fact that he’s anxiety disordered™. he just feels like a very real character to me n . i just love him a lot.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

yeah! a lot!

my biggest is that kuroo had/has selective mutism (n ppl can also interpret it as autism ! i just prefer sm bc thats what i got). that’s like. the One i will live and die by and it’s another reason why i really love him so much and that i see myself in him more than anyone else. as a teen and almost-adult i see him as still having some residual social anxiety due to the childhood disorder, and he’s hella depressed as well cuz it be like that. also for self-projection reasons i like arokuroo (i have that url stolen lol). ive never had a distinct sexuality headcanon for him, either pan or gay in my thoughts, but also since i see myself in him its hard for me to. do that ig?? idk lol

bokuto has adhd. i really support that one as well. he’s also ace!! he’s the ace ace!! i also like to see him as somewhat arospec, but in the sense that he’s just not really interested in that sort of thing? but he is still just... head over heels for akaashi.

akaashi has general anxiety n some social anxiety and also the pression. he’s GAY babey . ALSO he’s a he/him non-binary

kenma social anxiety babie. i mean, that’s literally canon. he has social anxiety. he’s also demi n trans. 

daishou is bi. i also write him as having paranoia. 

ask me abt any character n i can probably spit something out for u regarding lgbt headcanons. there’s too many to cover. 

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (7/9)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Part 7

Kurt runs his hands through his hair, shaking off the last suds of his shampoo out of it before shutting off the water. Sara Bareilles’s voice is still leading him to thoughts about Blaine, and how he led him in the dance yesterday with the gentle swing of his hips. 

It had been nice, to say the least. Dancing with Blaine in his arms had felt like he’d finally found the missing puzzle piece he’d been searching for his whole life. Waking up next to a still sleeping Blaine should’ve been awkward, but only felt like the most normal thing in the world, a routine that was way too easy to settle into and—

Shit.

He is in way too deep and he hasn’t even kissed Blaine yet. 

Woah, yet? That’s a little presumptuous of you, isn't it? 

If he’s going to. If Blaine even wants him to.

Kurt needs to stop thinking about Blaine ASAP, but his brain has made it clear that that’s not quite an option at the moment, so instead, he just turns the cold knob on the shower.

He heads to the kitchen when he’s done, and he’s met with the sight of Blaine humming along to Despacito while he finishes cleaning the dishes they’d used for dinner last night. Kurt can’t keep from cracking a smile.

“Having fun?”

Blaine, obviously a little surprised by Kurt’s presence, lifts his head and his mouth twitches up into a grin. “Actually, yeah. I used to hate doing the dishes when I was a kid, but then I got this job at a fast food pizza place. I realized that as long as I was washing dishes, I didn’t have to deal with customers. It sort of pavloved me into liking it.”

“God, that's such a mood.”

“The other explanation is that I’m training to be a fifties housewife.” Blaine shakes his head and makes a face, placing a plate on the drying rack. “Sorry, that was dumb,” he mutters.

“No, it was funny,” Kurt raises an amused eyebrow. “And if we’re going by the fifties’s standards, I suppose that makes me the workaholic husband.”

“Well, have fun at work, honey!” Blaine calls out, face twitching up into a grin as he holds back a chuckle.

Kurt walks up to the door as if he’s going to head out (which, they both know he can’t actually do) and pulls a coat still hanging on the rack by the frame of it. He drapes it over himself and waves to Blaine. “I will, make sure to pick up the kids early from school today!”

“Oh yeah, little Feta has a soccer tournament this afternoon, doesn’t he?”

“Feta?” Kurt raises an eyebrow. 

Blaine shrugs. “Yeah, like fettuccine Alfredo? Alfredo is a valid name.”

“Okay, if you get to name our son that then I’m naming our daughter Audrey, as in Audrey Hepburn.”

“I support that.”

“Now that our kids have proper names, I suppose I should be getting to work, huh?” Kurt asks. “Those taxes aren’t going to file themselves. And I have a long commute from here to the computer.”

He turns to leave, but Blaine laughs and quickly grabs the nearly empty box of cereal on the table and holds it out towards Kurt. “Wait! Don’t forget your briefcase!”

“Silly me! How could I forget, thank you!”

Kurt doesn’t even think about it—he’s too into this strange and weirdly fun game they’ve set up. As Blaine hands him the cereal box in lieu of a fake briefcase, Kurt tucks it underneath his arms and leans forward to press a quick peck to Blaine’s lips. Blaine reciprocates, lightly placing a hand behind Kurt’s neck. 

It isn’t until they pull away that Kurt realizes what he’s done.

They go absolutely still for a moment, eyes locked, neither daring to move any closer or further from the other.

Kurt wonders for half a second if he accidentally crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

And then the next half of the second Blaine’s lips are on his, hands grabbing desperately at his waist, so sudden and intense that the momentum sends them stumbling backwards a little. They don’t stop until Kurt’s back hits the table, and he sinks his hand into Blaine’s satin soft curls. 

The gesture elicits a small gasp from Blaine, who slides his hands down Kurt’s back and tugs so that their bodies are flush against each other’s. Kurt reciprocates, pulls him closer, kisses him harder until they’re just this chaotic bundle of bumping noses and roaming hands.

They finally pull away, Kurt’s blue eyes wide as a prairie because he had wondered if Blaine was picking up on the same thing he was and… well, he certainly doesn’t have to wonder anymore.

“Sorry,” Blaine mumbles, shaking his head with a sheepish smile on his face. “I uh, don’t know what came over me.”

Kurt doesn’t hesitate to pull Blaine back in for another embrace. “Me neither,” he breathes. And in all honesty, he doesn’t really care. All he knows is that this quarantine thing just got a lot more bearable. 

*

“I don’t think you’re playing this right.”

“Nonsense, I used to play this every day at lunch with the New Directions. Cards were easily the best way to pass the time. Santana even showed us this one game called Chingasos… which is surprisingly violent for a card game…”

After making out for… quite a long time (like, a really, really long time, not that Blaine’s complaining), they’d set some blankets down in the living room floor and exchanged card games. 

Kurt is currently sitting across from Blaine, cross legged and explaining the rules of Spits as they play. There are two piles, and the point of the game is to get rid of all your cards by placing them on top of either pile, but only in numerical order. If both piles have the same number card, you could slap the top of the piles, say “spits”, and the opponent would have to take all the cards.

They both place 2s on either piles of cards, and Blaine jumps to press his hands flat on top of them. Kurt has been playing this game for years, though, and is too quick for Blaine, so his hands land on top of Kurt’s instead of the cards. 

“Eat ‘em and weep,” Kurt says with a cocky grin, shoving the pile of cards towards Blaine.

“Isn’t it read ‘em and weep?”

“You’re stalling.”

Blaine mocks a scoff, mostly because he is. “Are you implying that I’m causing a distraction in order to prevent my loss?”

“Okay, nobody talks like that, you’re definitely stalling.”

“No, this is stalling,” Blaine says. He tugs Kurt’s hands and rolls backwards on the blankets, pulling Kurt on top of him and leaning up to kiss him and abandoning their card game. He can feel the smile in Kurt’s lips and can’t contain a grin of his own. 

When they finally release each other, Kurt lets out a contented sigh and rests his head on Blaine, draping his arms over his body, fitting in in every space Blaine didn’t even know was waiting to be filled.

“This is gonna sound weird, and kind of random… but I feel really safe with you,” Kurt says.

Kurt’s head, resting on Blaine’s chest, lifts when he laughs. 

“Heard that, coronavirus?” he jokes. “Actually,” he continues, starting to absentmindedly trace shapes on Kurt’s back with his finger. “It’s funny that you say that, because you kind of make me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.” He realizes that may not have come out exactly as he wanted it to. “I mean, like, in a good way. Not in a I’m worried you’re going to push me off way.”

“You’re probably just about the only person I can stand in a ten mile radius, currently, so I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“What about Adam?” Blaine finds himself asking. His heart is a canon in his chest, and he wants to pretend he doesn’t know why he asked that question, but he knows exactly why. 

He’s falling fast and hard for Kurt, and if he runs back to Adam the moment Blaine stops being his only choice, again, it’s going to suck. He’s heard stories about people who got stuck in elevators for twelve hours and then eloped the second they were rescued. And then the inevitable divorce that followed.

Blaine doesn’t want Kurt to want him because he’s bored; he wants Kurt to want him the same way he wants Kurt. 

“Adam and I over for a reason,” he finally replies calmly. 

The urge to just stupidly blurt out Which is? is so strong, and Blaine’s honestly surprised he doesn’t. Apparently, though, his silence is enough of a cue for Kurt to continue.

“I—and feel free to stop me… if it gets too weird or too–if you don’t want to hear this.”

“You can say anything to me,” Blaine answers without hesitation. Kurt’s cheeks pressing harder against Blaine’s chest tell him that he’s smiling.

“Okay… I think I just got swept up in the idea of finally being in a relationship, or of finally having someone who wanted me that I didn’t care if we weren’t necessarily right for each other. I mean, at the time I certainly didn’t have enough experience to know that it wasn’t right.”

Blaine hummed in encouraging agreement, urging Kurt to keep going.

“I think we were both hoping the other would evolve into the person we wanted them to be, if that makes sense. Like, I’m… I’m pretty naturally guarded. I don’t always wear my heart out on my sleeve and I think that bothered him.”

Blaine nods. Though he doesn’t feel like Kurt is particularly withholding around him, he can see why people would think that. Kurt has told Blaine all about what he endured during high school. That would be enough to make anyone a little wary of the world.

“And I don’t know if there are just parts of me I wasn’t willing to share because I’d be sharing them with him,” Kurt continues. “But there were parts of my life—little things, I’m not in like organized crime or anything—that were just for me. I’m fairly social, but if I needed an hour alone after he had friends over, he took it really personally.

“On the other hand, I always thought he took life way too seriously. Every single show or song we listened to had to have some sort of profound deeper meaning or else he labeled it as trash. What an exhausting way to live!”

Blaine chuckles. “I know what you mean. I dated Sebastian for a while, and he would constantly talk about his summer trips to Europe, which was interesting at first but after a few weeks I realized that that seemed to be the entire focal point of his personality.”

Kurt laughs. “Yeah…”

“Anyways, you were saying?”

“Oh, right... well, back in December I was watching When Harry Met Sally with Rachel and it was that scene where Sally says “We never do fly off to Rome at a moment’s notice”. And I just… realized. I went to get things from his place that night and applied to live in the NYADA dorms again for the next semester.

“I guess it was just never right with Adam. It took me way too long to figure it out. I think I might’ve figured it out sooner if we’d finished our date,” he mumbles absently, like he’s just thinking out loud.

Blaine has to bite his cheek to keep from smiling so damn hard.

They lay in easy silence for a moment, holding each other until a high pitched tinny noise interrupts them. Kurt whips out his phone and Blaine sees the Snapchat notification.

“Oh my god,” he sputters out incredulously.

“They really made a Quarantine filter,” Kurt says in awe.

Kurt unlocks his phone and presses the button to access the filter. It’s greyscale, with a blinking red dot in the corner, like it’s supposed to mimic a found footage movie. At the bottom of the screen is written “Day ___ of Quarantine”.

“Come on, let's take a picture,” Kurt says, casually hiking an arm behind Blaine’s neck and settling his head higher up in Blaine’s chest. He quickly snaps the picture of them cuddled up together.

Blaine watches Kurt, grinning when he types out the caption in two separate blocks of text.

Do you have your quarantine buddy? 

Yes, I have my quarantine buddy.

Part 8

[mautadite]

october book round up

19 books this month, which brings me to 125 for the year, and i’ve officially completed the yearly challenge! :) a little later than last year, but still earlier than i expected. i don’t imagine that i’ll read as much as i did last year, but i can still get a good bit done in two months i think. this month was pretty much just different flavours of romance, once again all audiobooks.

poison kiss - ana mardoll ⭐️⭐️⭐️ mixed feelings about this one. urban fantasy/paranormal with a neat setup and world building, but i feel like the author didn’t tell the story in the most effective way? not enough time spent on certain sections, time skips that were not needed, too many flashbacks. the poly romance was really sweet, though i didn’t much care for the love at first sight aspect when the third character was introduced. but this was a good book overall, with a unique plot and cast; might revisit the series.

the best boy ever made - rachel eliason ⭐️⭐️⭐️ very cute coming of age/ya romance. a conservative country girl is at first shocked when her best friend comes out as trans, but she slowly finds herself becoming his biggest champion, and then falling in love with him. took me a while to warm up to it bc i found the protagonist to be kind of obnoxious. and some of the later plot events were kind of ham-fisted. but i definitely liked it, mostly for sam and how good and kind he was.

i wish you all the best - meason deaver ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ BRUH I’M CRYING IN THE CLUB. this was a really fucking sweet ya romance. the main character finds themselves homeless after they come out as nb to their parents. they move in with their sister, enroll in a new school, and find themselves making friends with (and slowly falling for!) a literal ray of sunshine. this was great, another one of those books i wish i could have read when i was younger. dealt with coming out, depression, anxiety and first love, had great writing, and i’m still thinking about how great the ending lines were.

the neighbour - gerri hill ⭐️⭐️ eh... a book that COULD have been good (woman with a stunted career as a writer moves back home to take care of her ailing mother, finds herself falling for the rich lesbian player next door) but both main characters were so thoroughly unlikable lmao. judgemental, snooty, made jokes about harmful things, kind of elitist... there was one aspect of this book that i really liked (the main character changed careers later in life and it wasn’t seen as a failure, just moving on) but otherwise this was a disappointment.

the turner series - cat sebastian ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ historical romance!!! always a fave. this was a pretty fun series; first three m/m, last one f/f. a bit of mystery and intrigue in all of them, good humour, and a great cast of characters through and through. the second one was probably my favourite; one of the mcs suffered from anxiety attacks in an era where there was a lot of wrong information about mental health, and his love interest (a cheat and a scoundrel) ended up being the best thing that happened to him. although now that i’ve said that i just remembered how very much i love the third book’s protagonist (the rake, to be specific). standout character for sure. the last book has a dear place in my heart bc even though you can tell that the author doesn’t often write f/f, and it was a pretty short novella, it’s still historical lesbians, and i eat up historical lesbians with a spoon. (i could make a pretty bad joke here but lo and behold; i have GREAT self control.)

the secret casebook of simon feximal - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ when k.j. charles is good, SHE’S REALLY FUCKING GOOD. this is a paranormal-mystery/romance book styled after the adventures of sherlock holmes (if you must know one thing about me it’s that i’m a slut for acd holmes, don’t fucking @ me), set in the very universe itself. not quite a pastiche but close enough, and it was so well written, with great world building around the magic and paranormal events, great characters, GREAT ROMANCE. told as stories published by robert, simon’s biographer and lover. i adored this and will definitely reread.

puppy love romance - georgia beers ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a trio of f/f novels centred around an animal rescue, and the women who work and volunteer there and fall in love there. each of these novels was really sweet, grounded in a way that i like for contemporary romance, and they all had adorable dogs in them. and i feel like beers really knows her way around plotting and pacing a novel, especially small town romances. but i also had pretty sizeable nitpicks for each of them lol. part of it is that i just got tired of beers’ writing style (as you can see, i took a break between the series). this is such a weird complaint but oh my god she uses too many adverbs lol. also there was always an emphasis on how amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful all six women were and it got so tiresome. idk who wants to read about women who are physically perfect all the time, but it’s not me. and one half of the romantic pair in each book (lisa, emily and sydney, in that order) had attitudes that i found obnoxious and were not resolved and i felt bad for their girlfriends having to deal with them. a fun read all in all, but some of those things rubbed me the wrong way, and i’m ready to take a break from this author. 

bound series - ava march ⭐️⭐️ a resounding meh. historical m/m romance that wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t anything great about it. i only read these like maybe a week and a half ago but i’m struggling to remember details. there was bdsm, which i didn’t hate, but i also didn’t care. the plot was bleh, the sources of conflict were weak, and one of the dudes was kind of an asshole. /shrug emoji

reverie - eliza andrews ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ god... GOD. the ride i took with this book was like... a really sexy butch took me out to dinner, wined and dined me, and in the very last course she leaned over and spit in me food. the premise: a woman on the run from her abusive ex-husband settles into a small town where she find herself drawn to the only out lesbian in town, a sweet butch ex-marine, and her mysterious nurse of a neighbour. this book was soooooooo well written, so well crafted, so moving, so beautiful. a paranormal mystery that actual kept me guessing. i was ready to name it the best f/f book i read this year, if not the best romance period. and then the ending. the FUCKING ENDING. i’ve rarely been so let down in my life. i’m looking at the four stars i gave this and wondering if i should go lower because SERIOUSLY. thinking about it is getting me kind of upset. this book could have been SO good. uuuuuugh. 

brothers of the wild north sea - harper fox ⭐️⭐️ this is tricky because like. this book was definitely like, not good lmao, but it was good enough that i almost feel guilty giving it 2 stars. this is a historical romance that takes place more than a thousand years ago between a viking and a monk. it wasn’t badly written, probably wasn’t historically accurate but i mean, i don’t care. but it was too long, i didn’t care about the characters, it was badly plotted, and just really confusing overall. i think harper fox is great at writing romance, but all other aspects of this novel fell flat.

escape velocity - anah crow, dianne fox ⭐️⭐️⭐️ sci-fi m/m romance. a linguistic researcher and a pilot struggling with his religious beliefs fall into a whirlwind romance. pretty cute. i found it too short as i find most novellas, but i think the authors did a lot in relatively few words. definitely wish there was more worldbuilding. kind of hope the authors have plans to make this a series.

nowhere ranch - heidi cullinan ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a sweet romance between a farm hand and his boss. i didn’t think i’d like it much, but it was pretty enjoyable! very simple writing stuff that fit well with the gruff, no-nonsense, trying to shut everyone out protagonist. i really liked him; identified with him a lot, and his journey into opening up, dealign with his anxiety and self-worth issues. and the romance was sweet (though oooof, some of the sex scenes were too much). the book went from being really raunchy to really domestic and i kind of liked that. the resolution came a bit too quick, but i enjoyed it nonetheless.

that’s it for october! still currently unemployed, waiting for the people i signed a contract with to call me. since i don’t want to dip too much into my savings i’ve been doing odd jobs here and there, and might take a more steady part-time job in the meantime? all of that to say: i probably won’t be reading as much in november. i’m currently reading the first book in the spencer cohen series, and not... really loving it, lol, so i might pass on the others.